Month: September 2019

Letting things in by letting things go

Get rid of clutter and you may just find it was blocking the door you’ve been looking for

Katrina Mayer

This past weekend, I went with a family member on a home tour sponsored by a local elementary school to raise funds for playground equipment. All the homes which we toured through showcased fabulous pieces of artwork, furniture, books, bottles of wine, etc. The pursuit of creating perfectly curated homes was in evidence everywhere we went. The meaning attached to collecting these types of items has shifted drastically for me since I have retired from full time work.

I was struck by the irony that after many years of accumulating “things” many people often end up having to build additions on their homes or trade up for larger and larger living spaces. I found myself wondering what would become of all of these precious belongings in the future. Who would be tasked with the job of downsizing that would be inevitable? The energy and effort it would take to dispose of these possessions would be significant.

There seems to be a tug of war between the race to collect more and more things as evidenced by our tendency towards rampant consumerism and the minimalist movement which is focused on a need to reduce, recycle, and re-purpose. Reflecting on the reality that Marie Kondo has achieved both a cult and verb status, I am hyper aware that I have entered a life phase where my desire to downsize and possess “less” has never been stronger.

I do not seem to need a specialized strategy to act on this impulse. Moving into this next chapter seems to have created a natural evolution to let things go in order to free up more space in my life. The more I donate, recycle, sell or give things to others, the stronger the sense I have of creating room for new pursuits, interests, and passions. Who knew that embarking on a major decluttering project would open up so much emotional space for growth?

Cruella de Vil and the credit card charges

Late last week, I answered a very early morning call on my landline (I know they seem to be a relic from a not so distant past), and was somewhat startled by the long distance ring tone at that time of the day. When I answered, there was a long pause and then an automated recording began. The electronic voice immediately brought to mind the distinctive voice of the character, Cruella de Vil from the Disney movie 101 Dalmations. I recognized that I should simply hangup the phone but being captivated by the voice in the recording, I stayed on the line.

The recorded voice told me that I had an unauthorized credit card charge from eBay (which I have never actually used) of $300.00 and some cents. I continued to listen and was told that I had incurred an international charge over $1,000.00. The Cruella de Vil voice did not tell me at any time in the recording what type of credit card I had. Just another nonsense scam phone call albeit at a much earlier time in the day than is typical. At this point, I hung up the phone both annoyed and thinking about the frequency of fraudulent activities that try to permeate so many areas of our lives these days.

It seems that daily we are bombarded with newspaper and online reports of the latest phishing emails or text messages. The formulas for robocalling seem to defy logic and at first I thought the volume of these calls was due to having a landline telephone and now that I am retired, I am at home to answer them. When I was working, I did not experience these types of calls throughout the day so this is a relatively new experience. Certainly, there were weekly updates at work on the latest types of emails that you were to report and forward immediately to the IT department. We were frequently advised not to click on any links in suspicious emails, etc. but this all seemed somewhat innocuous to me at the time.

Now these calls come on any type of phone along with toxic text messages that now warrant routinely sending them to trash. If you travel, you have to protect your passport as well as credit cards with special covers that are lined with metal inside. This apparently is to fend off scanning devices which use the chips on those items to potentially pirate your identity and money. News reports tell us of business and government departments who have inadvertently released confidential employee information and warn us when finance departments have sent funds to phony new bank accounts. These are just the tip of the iceberg and the list of scams seems endless to me.

In addition, attending the latest anti-fraud protection seminar is important no matter who you are. Keeping up with all of the tricks used by scammers can be exhaustive as well as annoying. Explaining to elderly friends and family members about the complexity of scams as well as how commonplace they are, is an ongoing necessary task. At times, we like to believe that we would not fall victim to these scammers but really we are all equally vulnerable. I wonder what it will take to turn the tide and begin to trust the daily messages we receive.

The Tyranny of Transitions

There’s nothing harder in life than transitions. For most of us, being in-between is just plain uncomfortable

Sage Cohen

All major life changes have challenges for us. This past weekend, I was out walking and met a young man trying to coax a very tired and very old dog to keep moving. His dog was refusing to go any further so I stopped to talk with him. As we began chatting, I learned that this young man was experiencing what he called the tyranny of transition. He volunteered that he had just completed a university degree, his summer employment had ended, and that there were no immediate employment prospects on the horizon. He said that he now felt like he was adrift and we then shifted our conversation to talking about the emotional experience of life transitions.

One of the initial surprises I had in retirement was the sensation of being emotionally off balance. Although this is a typical response to many types of life change, it seemed particularly unsettling as it was unexpected and I thought I had done a sufficient amount of pre-planning prior to leaving full time work. By the time your career has reached a three decade milestone, you have achieved a degree of mastery over many tasks and skills so beginning anew in this next stage of life can create some cognitive dissonance.

To complicate matters, many people in your life may assume that this is a wonderful time for you so to express the emotional manifestation of loss and uncertainty seems somewhat taboo. After all, how do you share with someone who is taxed and stressed by the many demands of a full time work life, that you may be struggling as well. Needing to develop a sense of equilibrium along with the dawning recognition that you are starting all over again, can seem daunting.

Beginnings can be difficult in and of themselves, but there is also the emotional work of acknowledging the ending of this chapter in your life. Saying goodbye to wherever you retired from is not a one shot deal that culminates with a final celebration. There are a number of things that we must let go of which may include relationships with former colleagues; the identity and roles you may have held, and learning that the manner in which you may have viewed the world may shift. To move forward, there is a need to recognize and let go of what you are leaving behind.

Being able to acknowledge and have some type of plan for any transitional period can be helpful. I learned that creating a routine, structure for my days as well as writing about my experience was helpful to integrate this new and at times, unsettling way forward. Developing a network of supportive connections and learning as much as I could about the psychology of transitions became anchors that helped me feel grounded during this time. I am interested in learning what others have found helpful during any type of life change or transition. Please leave a comment below about what may have worked for you?

Time to turn the calendar…

“And all at once, summer collapsed into fall” – Oscar Wilde

The Labour Day weekend evokes a host of memories that always seem to surface in connection to the beginning of the school year. Long gone are the days of frenetic shopping for school supplies, the often unsuccessful search for everything on the list, and the anticipated reunion with friends to share highlights of summer vacation. The whirlwind flurry of moving everyone into a schedule that will sustain and support activities and commitments for the next ten months, thankfully, is also a distant memory.

A strong sense of personal renewal in the fall often occurs as the warm summer days persist but cool evenings and chilly nights emerge. Long to do lists that were once an ever present feature of those days continue somewhat in the form of sticky notes. These random sticky notes are peppered with ideas for building a schedule which will now focus on goals, passions to pursue, and possible learning opportunities. This year, this seasonal change has brought a renewed sense of optimistic energy that I haven’t experienced since I retired.

Excitement now replaces the old sensation which, at times, felt like a low level murmur of anxiety about completing all the to do obligations of this season. Now I fully realize that I am able to focus on tasks that will move me forward, closer to the goals that I would like to reach, and the life I am actively designing in this period of reinvention. Dropping what no longer fits in my life, creates a sense of feeling free and unencumbered.

It occurred to me today, that although I don’t have to pay attention to the changing of the seasons in the same manner I did when I worked full time, the energy of renewal that comes with the kids going back to school, is a perfect opportunity for reflection. Time to reflect if my goals are being met, need to be adjusted, or if it is time to move on to something else. Without all of the work world pressures, I can relish this time to figure out my priorities and to create a schedule filled with meaning and purpose. It is definitely time to turn the calendar!