Tag: optimism

A creative kind of disappointment

Photo by Yaroslav Shuraev on Pexels.com

Disappointment is simply a dream that doesn’t want to become a reality

Richard Wilkin

Have you ever created something only to discover what you had envisioned doesn’t really exist? I spent an hour yesterday morning walking around parks near my home toting my camera. Inspired by some of the intriguing yard art in our neighbourhood, I was beginning to think about creativity as a process. Where it comes from, where it resides, and where it goes when it disappears. Poised with my camera, I shot dandelions in the moment as a sudden burst of wind caused white whispers of seed to scatter into the air. Magnificent, certainly, perhaps even a photograph worthy of posting somewhere.

As I continued to walk, I shot two red winged blackbirds who were either fighting over a nesting spot or defending one that already existed. Clear, sharp in focus, images of birds whose red stripes were vivid showcased in the camera lens. More than satisfied, I continued walking along a creek bank. Pelicans feeding on fish, and performing some morning bathing abulations that I have never witnessed before. They are typically difficult birds to photograph because as soon as they sense your presence they turn their backs towards you. So thinking I had captured at least one shot of these antics got my adrenaline moving.

On the way back, I discovered a piece of yard art that was fun, whimsical and full of hidden surprises. An antique screen door used as the backdrop for an antique hand pump fashioned into a water fountain. Lily of the valley graced the base of the display and in amongst the tiny white flowers were three miniature gnomes in various poses. I didn’t even notice them at first but felt a shimmer of delight in this discovery quickly anticipating how wondrous these hidden glimpses would be in a photo.

Later in the afternoon, I spied a tiny wasp nest attached on the underside of a ladder propped against our backyard fence. It was petite and it took some time to process and register what it was. But before I would remove the nest, I ran to get my camera so I could photograph this tiny little wonder. Popping on a different lens for macro shots, I quickly began snapping pictures from different angles. Paper thin, fragile in shades of grey, white, with swirls of black lines, the subtle texture of the nest quite stunning. A wasp emerged as I was taking a picture which was really neat but I decided there was no point pushing my luck and was grateful I had captured many images.

So last evening I took out my camera card to upload the photos from my creative adventures throughout the day. When I opened the compartment to retrieve my camera card, it was obvious that the card had not been firmly placed in its slot. Feeling a sickening, sinking sensation just below my heart center, I was fairly certain there would be nothing on it.

Ignoring the truth of what was happening, I placed the card in the slot on my computer. Clicking to import new photos, I was confronted with the fact that there really were no images on that card. Absolutely none at all. All of those amazing creative fragments which had danced in my head throughout the day, gone. That swing of energy that carried me through the day had only culminated in a sense of disappointment which lingered for longer than it should have.

Reflecting on this now has made me realize that disappointment should not negate the power of creative bursts of effort. There is much in life that disappoints us and it seems best to release those feelings rather than to cling to emotions that disturb and distort. Creative practice is just that. Practice. In hindsight, the magic of all those moments behind the camera lens continue to inspire. Not to mention learning a rather tough lesson about camera cards!

When we adjust and adapt our expectations, when we summon flexibility as needed, our disappointment disappears!

Stay healthy and safe!

Getting back to “normal” like three legged race

Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

I think that the general feeling is that the pandemic has passed, that the pandemic is ending, the pandemic is over. That is absolutely not clear.

Dr. J. Froh

“Re-opening plans” “Vaccine Lotteries” “Post Pandemic Guidelines” “Public Health Urges Caution”

Many of our current media headlines contain some facsimile of the above. As global efforts have ramped up to vaccinate many people, communities across the globe are grabbling with what a post pandemic world really means. Individuals are left to interpret real life scientific data as it is being collected and assess their own levels of risk as public health guidelines are loosened. Will there be a fourth wave? Yes. No. Maybe, we don’t know, yet. In limbo or in purgatory? Yikes, how are we supposed to navigate all of this!

It all seems about as confusing as it was in the early days when this pandemic started. The only thing in my experience that I can compare it to is a three legged race. One of those old fashioned picnic games where two people are partnered up and then have one leg tied to each other so in essence they have “three legs”. Then they are expected to race a short distance together to a finish line. Such an antic would be hilarious, people lurching about, falling (gently of course) but it usually took the length of the race to figure out how to work well enough with your partner to begin to run in tandem. This whole re-opening concept strikes me as the same sort of thing.

Restaurants are now open with some restrictions. I must admit I still am not anxious to rush off and dine out. Fitness classes and outdoor recreation activities have resumed. Not quite ready to resume in person yoga but I am tired of doing it over Zoom. Crowds in shopping centres are popping up once again. The first time I noticed how much larger crowds have become I felt unnerved. Early hour shopping opportunities are ending.

Masks are still required in order to enter most indoor businesses and services but the day will soon be coming where they will not be required. In some parts of North America, mask use has created conditions for dangerous occurrences. People have melted down and become physically violent and there have been reports of use of deadly force. All over whether or not someone should wear a mask. Good grief!

What to do if you are vaccinated but wary and anxious about all of this change? What if you haven’t been able yet to get a vaccine? This seems like some kind of reverse deja vu back from when the pandemic began. As case counts come down, I find myself still waiting for the daily news where I get my sense of virus activity in my city, my community, and within groups of people that I know. But I know that I need to start to take risks, begin the process of learning what the new “normal” is and how to step through this next aspect of our lives.

It seems more important than ever to remember to keep things in a balanced perspective. To make your own choices and not condemn others for their chosen level of risk. If someone you know or care about gets the virus, be compassionate! One day it may feel okay but the next day it might not. Learn to accept what is and go with the flow. Be sensible, stay within your own comfort zone. Expect all of this to fluctuate, we are in yet another time of transition. Remember to be okay with what works for you and others in your life whom you care about.

Stay healthy and safe!

Paying attention can help grow a writer’s craft

Photo by L Meyer

If you want to change your life, change what you pay attention to. We give things meaning by paying attention to them and so moving your attention from one thing to another can absolutely change your future

Jessica Crispin

For the most part, I haven’t spend a great deal of time considering what types of things I am paying attention to in my day to day life. If I am specifically trying a mindfulness technique or attempting to meditate, I am able to acknowledge the types of thought processes I engage in when I am not doing anything. More typically, I observe what I didn’t pay attention to or have some free floating awareness of the things I am attending to. Especially those negative thoughts or emotions that I may be hanging onto without conscious realization.

But when I am writing, I haven’t spent time thinking about the specifics of where my focus is or isn’t. This week, I embarked on an intensive writing course and part of the work we will be doing is not merely generative writing exercises but learning through a process of paying careful attention to the writings of select authors. And then paying attention to very specific details of my own writing process.

It’s easy to gloss over words, phrases and even entire paragraphs when reading a story and at times the same may be said for when you are writing one. Learning to focus one’s attention to nuance is proving to be a valuable skill. Eye-opening in more ways than one. The first hurdle I had to make was to push through that small mountain of insecurity that one experiences when sharing your writing. This can seem more insurmountable when you are working with a cadre of writers more experienced and who have published more than I have.

But by being asked to pay keen attention to what they are focused upon as readers has brought me new awareness and understanding. Suddenly instead of shying away from constructive criticism, I am craving these gems that fellow writers are sharing. I am coming to value where my story breaks down, or I suddenly inserted a new POV where it shouldn’t be. Hearing what others might do to stimulate character evolution in something I have written, or thinking about where an inciting incident should be placed from different vantage points has served to teach me more than I set out to learn.

However, there was one clear takeaway from this experience that quickly became evident.

If we spend too much time worrying about how others are perceiving what we have created, we will miss an incredible journey of learning about what others have to share with us. These growth opportunities may not come often but when they appear you must seize the moment. Take risks. Seek out helpful criticism. Learn the subtle art of accepting the wisdom of others who have much to teach you about how to pay attention to your own work. And the lessons from this experience have shed light that could likely shine on many aspects of life. Not just writing.

Stay healthy and safe!

Emotional SeeSaw

It occurred to me this morning that there are some similarities to our current world which requires everyone to practice social distancing and the beginning weeks of my retirement. Clearly, the magnitude of what we are experiencing globally really has no comparison, but every once in awhile I have a strong sense that I have recently experienced something similar in the past couple of years.

Upon reflection, the period of time leading up to retirement included a low grade level of fear – to be expected when we encounter a life changing experience for the first time. When I have a moment of deja vu, I recall having felt like I was stepping off a sharp cliff with no real sense of whether or not I had a parachute or where I might land. This feeling has resurfaced for me from time to time during the pandemic. No one knows when this will be over, what course it may take, and what the long term impact on our lives may be.

Now, to be clear, retirement was my choice, and was within my control. There were also many moments of excitement, and positive anticipation. However, change is anxiety provoking and as with what is occurring now, I did experience some trepidation about what the future would hold.

When I first left full time work to join my husband who had been retired for many years, it seemed we were running in a three legged race. Spending all of our time together, day in and day out, typically only happened during vacation times. So we had to adjust to this and I’m certain it was harder for my husband than for me. Definitely not the smoothest transition, a few steps forward accompanied by several steps back.

Fast forward to just prior to the pandemic and it is worth noting how far we had come. We had managed to achieve a wonderful place of balance between being able to spend much more time together doing things we had always hoped to do as well as to pursuing our own individual interests and spending time with different groups of people.

Social isolation has moved us right back to that same place. So occasionally, we find ourselves negotiating a three legged race. I suspect that because we have navigated these waters just a couple of years ago, that we will soon find ourselves back in balance. This concern is one that several people have mentioned to me recently and it takes some strategizing to find the right rhythm that works for a partnership.

The largest challenge I find at this time, is the looming sense of the unknown. I struggled with this for awhile during my transition into retirement and had moved into a place just before the pandemic of my own design. Now I find myself trying to once again find my footing as some of my current favourite activities have ceased. At times, it feels like being on a emotional seesaw and to avoid tumbling off, I am trying on different strategies to find a sense of equilibrium.

Rather than focusing on the things I am unable to continue to do, I find it helpful to ground myself by acknowledging daily all that I still have in my life. Being patient with myself and my husband, and by reaching out to those I care about, I feel more able to manage the ups and the downs. It has become a new routine for me to build in time at the start of each day to reflect on what my needs are and figure out how to meet them.

The one aspect that I have realized that is the same as my recent experience of transitioning into retirement and this new world of social distancing, is just how important it is to maintain a sense of optimism and hope. Perhaps you have found strategies that work well to keep you in balance during this time. Please feel free to share them. Stay healthy and well!

Gardening for the Future

With so many of our lives turned upside down from the COVID-19 pandemic, it is becoming crucial to find strategies and activities that have purpose and future orientation. Finding something that allows us to consider the future without worry about the novel coronavirus can be challenging. Having something to look forward to is both grounding and necessary for our mental well-being.

Many news stories are currently focused on the question around “how long will this crisis last”. Without a crystal ball, and by listening to medical experts who describe scientific models that chart and track the spread of this pandemic, can leave us feeling overwhelmed and anxious. None of us have a sense of what will occur over the next number of weeks or months.

My brother mentioned the concept of a “victory garden” to me last week and since then I have been using time on the internet to learn more about this phenomenon from the Second World War. Certainly this type of research has been both inspiring and has served to keep me from obsessively reading about our world crisis. People have always creatively used soil cultivation to grow food in ways to help others as well as themselves.

There are wonderful models of community and kitchen gardens that will likely flourish over the next couple of months. Gardening is a great activity to assist us in having a more future oriented focus. Watching seedlings pop up, preparing the soil (if it ever warms up!), and organizing and planning your garden design are great things to look forward to. Chatting with friends about seed exchanges and thinking about sharing seedlings and cuttings is a welcome diversion from today’s events.

In this early stage of spring, we can also consider growing vegetables, herbs, and some fruits for others. For neighbours who don’t have the space, for friends and family members, and for those in our lives who have lost their jobs at this time. We can also try and find extra spaces in our yards so we can contribute collectively to our food banks. Last year I noticed vegetables being grown along boulevards in our community and in other public spaces where you used to find grass.

Actually, the more I reflect on growing my garden this year, the more I realize the beneficial aspects of gardening for good mental health in addition to providing us with healthy food. Gardening as a physical activity uses muscles that we don’t often use throughout the winter months. Digging in soil has been shown to improve our immune systems and I have always found the feeling of earth in my fingers to be healing.

For parents now home with their children as schools have been closed, what a wonderful opportunity for education and enrichment by growing things. Collectively we can create opportunities for bees and butterflies to flourish and keep our ecosystems healthy. On this first day of April, I intend to plan my garden, order and pick up seeds on the curb of my favourite gardening centre. This day feels better already. Stay healthy and well!