Tag: writing

Farewell to a feline friend

Miss Lucky – Photo credit L Meyer

Transition and change have permeated our lives and just as I believed I was finding my footing with our “new normal” an unwelcome and unanticipated change landed at our doorstep. Our cat, a long time member of our family and certainly a senior feline became suddenly ill. No stranger to several maladies that impact senior cats, our “Miss Lucky” was prone to bouts of constipation occasionally requiring trips to the vet clinic, but this time was markedly different. She was diagnosed with lymphoma and we had to make the difficult decision to euthanize her.

One considers these sorts of possible outcomes but until you have to plant yourself face to face with this eventuality, it doesn’t have an emotional impact. When the time comes, no amount of preparation will prevent the grief from welling up when you least expect it. Strange how much of our hearts this feline companion captured. It is unsettling to expect to find her in her many favourite spots around the house and experience the jolt of realization that she is gone for good.

I found over the years that my feline friend was both a comfort and a source of solace when difficult times entered my life. She was a stalwart companion when my father passed away, my son left home, and finally, when I left full time work and struggled a bit to find my bearings and establish new routines. Animals naturally help humans in our healing process and it seems bittersweet and ironic now that my cuddle buddy is no longer available to help me heal from this particular loss and adapt to change.

A special pet becomes a member of your family, an integral aspect of one’s daily lives and routines. Our cat also filled in those tiny fissures that break out in your heart as you accumulate the pain from traumatic events and major disappointments and it seems that those emotions are close to the surface now as well. I guess that is the nature of the grieving process. It can’t be rushed and this transition will require new comforts and new forms of support. Patience will be required as I find my way forward.

I am truly grateful to have had our feline friend in my life for the past fifteen years.

Rest in peace, Miss Lucky

Everything changes

If you leave a white fence post alone it becomes a black fence post. So if you want it to stay white, you have to keep painting it white. You want something to stay the same, you’ve got to constantly change it.

Joseph Finder
Photo by Alexas Fotos on Pexels.com

The pace of change in our world at this time seems to be moving faster than the speed of sound. Whether the changes occurring are positive or negative actually seems to be besides the point. It is the impact of the swiftness of changes in our daily lives that seems to have a de-stabilizing force that we all must grabble with.

Whether it is the constantly changing information about the coronavirus at the heart of this pandemic, tectonic shifts in our geopolitical landscape, or simply how to negotiate a family barbecue in the backyard, we seem to be inundated with the need to reconsider many aspects of life. Trying to make good decisions and avoid either over estimating or under estimating risks to avoid contracting COVID-19 can be not just time consuming but confusing and anxiety provoking.

A part of me believed that because I had just transitioned from full time work to semi-retirement thereby causing seismic changes in my life, that I would be fine adjusting to all of the disruptions that seem to be predominating our current reality. Change often represents either a loss or an opportunity. Certainly when I retired, I experienced losses – loss of income, loss of identity; daily contact with colleagues, etc. But since then, it has proven to be an amazing time of opportunity.

My writing practice has evolved to where I had hoped it would be at this point in my “new” career. Pre-pandemic I had satisfying part time work in my profession that kept me in contact with my favourite parts of my “old” world. Courses, new activities, plenty of time for walking with a focus on my own health, and new friendships provided the icing on my cake. So why have the past few months seemed so challenging and fraught with overwhelming changes that are hard to understand and accept.

Journal keeping has been a sporadic practice all through my life but since the end of March I have kept daily notes of thoughts and feelings about the pandemic and so many other pivotal moments in our lives. This morning it felt important to pause and to re-read entries from the past few months. Clearly I was looking for perspective and understanding to ground me.

What stood out upon this reflection was the impact that the many current changes were having on my life and to those close to me. And of course, when I am longing for things to be “the way they used to be” I am inadvertently creating unnecessary stress in my life. It isn’t really a cliche to focus only on what we are able to control. Being able to recognize this is the first step to managing all of the decisions to be made and life changes that must be navigated.

Learning to accept change, and being able to nurture the ability to become more flexible is a critical life skill that helps us to adapt and thrive. It seemed clear to me this morning that this is important not just in these times of our changing landscape but at any point in our lives. Change is inevitable. Learning to cope with it effectively seems more critical now than ever before.

The one thing I believe I can count on is that…everything changes. And it is a comfort to know that with some effort, we can control our responses to that.

Stay healthy and safe!

Happy Canada Day!!

Photo by Social Soup Social Media on Pexels.com

Est. July 1st, 1867

Taking a break today to celebrate our nation’s birthday in a quiet, thoughtful kind of way. I intend to take a welcome break from thinking about the pandemic, economic meltdowns, systemic racism, political theatrics, hate speech that permeates social media, and the destruction of our environment.

Instead a day to reflect on the possibilities of how we can each do our part to evolve to preserve our environment while sharing our country with one another in equitable, respectful, and peaceful ways.

Stay healthy and safe!! Happy birthday Canada!!

Throwing plans out the window

“We must let go of the life we planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us” – Joseph Campbell

Recently, I have come to the realization that I have been hanging onto a fierce longing for everything in my life to return to “normal”. I am also working towards accepting that aspects of my life may be permanently altered. And, I am trying to be okay with that.

Going through a journal I found last year that dates back to my university days, I had typically started all of the entries I wrote with a quote and so happened upon some of the wisdom from Joseph Campbell. Managing expectations and building in flexibility to my skill set was something I thought that I had achieved quite awhile ago.

Apparently, these are skills that must be worked on in an ongoing fashion in order to be available when you actually need to draw upon them. As my emotional responses to the events that are shaping the world right now become more rigid and as I struggle to not apply inappropriate expectations on goals and plans I had for my life at this stage, I realize I need a refresher course.

Understanding the areas of my life that define my purpose and give shape to the meaning I attach to activities and people that I value had started to fade into the background. Taking time out for reflective thought rather than simply staying “busy” for the sake of just being busy has actually grounded me in ways that I had been losing touch with.

My journaling practice had fallen by the wayside and I was struggling with my writing practice as my headspace was full of “woulda, shoulda, coulda” types of thoughts. This crept up on me just like your shoulders begin to reach towards your earlobes when you are stressed.

Recognizing that I am in transition once again and that I need to accept where this is taking me to at this time is hard work. I have always had to apply focus to relax my expectations of myself. So I am doing everything in my power to let this self-knowledge be my guide during these challenging times.

What do you do to get through times when your plans are thrown off kilter, activities of daily living change, and your relationships become altered?

Stay healthy, safe and keep moving through this wild journey we call life!

Smile at a child today, please!

As I finished my walk this morning, the final leg required me to walk over a narrow covered foot bridge that spans across a local creek. The custom for physical distancing at this bridge has been a delicate dance requiring people on foot and on bikes or roller blades to wait for someone to get all the way across and then the next person would be able to go. At times, this has meant that you had to wait your turn and for the most part people on the walking path were patient and respectful. Especially in the early part of this pandemic.

But times have changed and human behaviour is shifting. More often than not these days, people seem to avoid eye contact and at times it appears they shrink into themselves not offering a hello or a smile.

This avoidant behaviour has become more prevalent as the pandemic progresses and at times, facial expressions on people crossing that bridge signal annoyance or agitation. As our community moves towards re-opening, it feels like we are participating in a three legged race. Some of us are still practicing physical distancing as we did when we first began to shelter in place and others seem to have shrugged off any concern about risk and appear visibly annoyed with those that do.

Today while out on my daily walk, I encountered a young family. A mother steering a large baby stroller and a small boy riding a tiny two wheeler could be seen at the other end of the bridge. I had arrived before them and had already begun walking so I was about half way across the bridge when the boy on his tiny bike starting riding. His mother told him to stop and he quickly moved back when she asked him to and his face clearly communicated that he was upset. As I grew closer to where they were, I could see that his upset face was more fearful than angry and I wondered about that.

When I came to the end of the bridge, I smiled at this boy and thanked him for waiting for me to get across. He looked up at me with a mixture of astonishment and amazement on his little face, clearly surprised. He said loudly to his mother, “that lady smiled at me mommy and she said thank you!”. This young mother briefly looked down at him and then up at me as I passed. Her silent thanks seemed odd to me at first, but then I started to consider what some aspects of this pandemic experience must be like viewed through the eyes of a child.

I know that I am sensitive to the non verbal facial expressions of those I encounter on my daily walks, so what must that be like for a child? As this period of social and physical distancing has progressed, those expressions have shifted. Shifting from smiles and waves and saying hello. To gazes cast downward, pointed looks of annoyance, and at times, obvious frustration. How must young children interpret this strange new world where at times blatant disrespect and lack of common courtesy can be seen in everyday interactions.

How frightening this all must be. So if you have a chance today, smile at a child. And for that matter, smile at others, whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Stay safe and healthy!

Shifting Truths

What will be required to create meaningful, equitable change in our lives? Certain truths have become evident to me during this pandemic that suggest collectively we have the need to pause, reflect, and consider what is truly needed to make sustained and real change so we can move forward in a good way. Having vacillated between watching the news too often and not watching it at all, I thought I had achieved some type of balance. This past week I have found that my focus has once again been on what has been going on in the world around me.

Thinking about some of the larger issues that we must confront, has caused me to wonder if we are simply spinning without direction only to end up with just more of the same problems we had pre-pandemic. Consider news events over the past week – the focus has shifted from how will we safely reopen and stave off a second wave of the virus that has wreaked havoc across the world to a long overdue and serious dialogue about systemic racism.

Hundreds of thousands of people from across the globe have been involved in lending their voices to the Black Lives Matter protests in spite of the possible risks of spreading the coronavirus. Stories of racism that are being shared right now are heartbreaking and have precipitated a plethora of ideas about how to effect real changes.

One of the ideas that has been circulating through many communities is that police should be defunded. Journalists around the world are sharing news about more protests, petitions, and equally as many stories from politicians and police officials stating that they believe this is the wrong approach.

This seems to be a repeating process that we have seen with other critical issues such as climate change, the best strategies to manage this global pandemic, and better ways to care for the elderly and marginalized members of our society, etc. etc. Just as quickly as these stories are told, and shared widely we hear all of the rationale as to why suggested changes can’t be made. Point and counter point. Or worse yet, nothing more is written or discussed as the news cycles bring other issues forward.

During this time of loosening our lockdown, it seems more plausible that we might have an opportunity to come together to make changes that have been discussed for decades. There has been more emphasis on our collective global needs than ever before in my lifetime. So I can’t help wonder if this will be the moment in our history when we will change course en masse. Focus, tenacity, and individual commitment to change will be required on a large scale.

Electing politicians who are not narcissistic, self absorbed, and can be held to account would be a wonderful place to start. One can be criticized I suppose for dreaming of a kinder, more generous way of treating one another as well as a bonafide coming together to save our environment. But I don’t think that would stop me from writing about the need to do better than we are now. How about you? What do you think we should do to make a real impact at this time in our lives?

Meaningful change through peaceful protest

We have experienced some of the most chaotic and heartbreaking moments in the past few days along with some uplifting events that have served as counterbalance weights. These swings between historic lows and highs have been drastic and at times, shocking and beyond comprehension.

I sit at my desk as I think about what I should write, listening instead to a peaceful protest being held at our legislative grounds. I want to applaud the youth in our community for organizing an event to denounce the egregious events that have taken place south of our border and to share their own stories about the racism and discrimination they experience in our community.

A few days earlier, I watched along with the rest of the world, a video that captured the death of George Floyd in Minneapolis at the hands of one police officer while others stood and did nothing but watch him die. Indeed, I wondered what fresh hell is this? This unbelievable murderous act serves as a stark reminder of the depths of hatred and systemic racism that continue to plague what should be one of the world’s largest peaceful, democratic countries.

Thankfully the counterpoint to this horrific event were mass protests to register justified outrage and demands for real change across the United States. The risks of increasing the spread of the coronavirus through large public gatherings seemed balanced by the importance of people standing together to speak out with one voice against hate in all of its forms. To give voice to their pain, anger and enduring frustration. But without strong leadership, the protests became overshadowed by looters and anarchists.

Chaos was sparked in many of the protests by groups of self-interested individuals who seemed motivated by destruction and criminality rather than any desire for meaningful change through peaceful protest. The world woke up to numerous images of fires set, police cars overturned, looting, and lawlessness. The time seemed ripe for the United States President to step up, calm the nation, and begin the process of reconciliation and rebuilding.

Just when a person couldn’t imagine things getting any worse, the President decides not to calm this crisis but instead opts out by invoking a law and order mantra and hiding away in a bunker. Using social media to escalate and further inflame tensions and threaten citizens of his country with their own military. It all seems surreal.

We sat transfixed to our screens as the United States President stunned the world by using the National Guard to remove protestors through aggression and tear gas for a mind blowing photo op in front of a church he doesn’t actually attend, holding a bible in an outstretched hand like a theatrical prop.

This was the backdrop for the peaceful protest that has been organized by youth of colour in our community to show solidarity with George Floyds family and for the people hurt by continued systemic racism south of our border and here at home. They need to share their own stories about injustices and racism. Our job is to listen to them and then to take positive action for meaningful change.

Stay healthy and safe.

Embracing uncertainty

“We know we are no longer who we were, but we do not know who we will yet become”

Fred Mandell

Reinvention by its very nature is captivating and exciting. The possibility of personal renewal, embarking on a new career, or beginning a new relationship often captures our imagination. Nurturing our dreams and planning for a future that we have envisioned for ourselves is an essential part of who we are. But in order to do this, we must first learn to embrace uncertainty.

Making any type of change in our lives means that we are facing some degree of uncertainty. And for most of us, we are often quite adverse to altering our day to day lives. Consider how challenging it has been for many of us since we have begun social distancing and sheltering in place. We have moments where we may experience strong emotional reactions to the impact the coronavirus is having on our lives. This is compounded by the understanding that this will be our new normal for quite some time to come. Uncertainty is part of this new normal.

Fear, frustration, and the weight of our own expectations as well as those of others, could cause us to collapse. Or perhaps we become paralyzed by the emotions that surface during times of uncertainty or change. Indeed, believing that we should achieve something, or aspire to or do a certain thing, can force us blindly down a path that takes us further away from what we are meant to do.

These types of transition are often the most challenging for us but if we are able to find strategies to remain grounded, they can in fact become the most fruitful. I listened this morning to a podcast that was about sharing stories of youth in the child welfare system during this pandemic. One young woman spoke of having to live in a group home and not being able to leave or have people come to visit. At first, she recalled, this isolation from the world, caused her to experience feelings of depression but she talked about moving through that by learning to skateboard and to knit.

These grounding activities helped her not only get through this time of social isolation but she spoke about finally getting to know who she actually is. The hardest part of living through uncertainty and transition seems to happen for all of us regardless of the age or stage of life we are in.

But in the midst of challenge and chaos in our lives comes a hidden opportunity to discover those creative moments that signal to us what we are truly interested and passionate about, and to learn more about who we really are. And it is these learning moments that help to get us excited and motivated to prepare to make changes in our lives. If we choose to acknowledge our fears and take the time we need, to sit with ourselves to figure out where we want to go, our chances of reaching our new destination will increase.

Who knows what we will discover during this time of uncertainty if we reach out to embrace it?

Stay healthy and well!

Creativity fosters relevance

Much of the world has been in lockdown for the past few months and social media platforms are chock full of posts that display the many creative ventures that people have embarked upon. From baking sourdough bread to finding innovative methods of gardening in little to no space on an apartment balcony, there is evidence all around us of creativity and innovation.

Children do this naturally and as we reach adulthood many of us lose our natural ability to adapt, innovate, and pivot when faced with changing circumstances. This world crisis has given many of us ample opportunity to progress through boredom to create novel solutions to many problems that have been imposed by “staying together by staying apart.”

The need to find ways to reimagine how to do things in our lives in new ways also helps us to feel relevant. In some ways, this seems reminiscent to me of my first few months when I had retired from full time work. The need to feel relevant loomed large at that time and I had to relearn ways to adapt and live this new life so I could still feel like I mattered.

Watching the world lean in to doing things differently and considering a new normal has been inspiring. The creative spark has been electrified around the world at a time when chaos could have overwhelmed our spirit. From watching a local arts festival on my iPad at home to receiving an invitation for an international virtual convention for fellow professionals.

It seems there is no end to ways in which something can be created from nothing.

One of my favourite places is our local library and since it has been shuttered, there has been a proliferation of electronic resources added to our community system which everyone can now access with a digital password and pin number. Wonderful! Through one of the new additions to the electronic resource catalogue was an ebook where I found the following quote,

“I am motivated to create so I can shape my life with my actions. Life is not simply happening to me; I play an active role.”

Rebekah Younger, Be Awake, Create.

Stay healthy and safe!

Discovering some silver linings…

Strangely enough, there have been several facets of my life that seem to have actually improved during this pandemic. Moving from a fairly structured routine, that was governed by a variety of activities to our new normal where many activities are no longer available to us, has led to the creation of more flexible and adaptive aspects of daily living.

Exercise can take place outside when the weather permits and when it doesn’t then creating in home workouts has been necessary. Using exercise equipment like the rebounder that was gathering dust in storage and trying out a skipping rope after a twenty year hiatus have proven interesting to say the least. After initially fumbling my way through how to use both of these newly re-discovered pieces of equipment, I have discovered new muscles and a better sense of balance.

Overall, my physical health seems better and it likely can be attributed to having developed a new physical routine that has begun to challenge muscle groups that previously had begun to plateau. Doing some cursory google research has led me to understand that our bodies will plateau typically after a 6-8 week period of exercise sameness and unless you adjust and change things up, you no longer reap the benefits you may be hoping for. My former routine had become stagnant and I hadn’t even realized it.

So that got me thinking about plateaus, and other daily routines, and I wondered if our bodies require constant change in order to grow and stay healthy, this must be similar to what our brains need. Sure enough, greater cognitive flexibility is a precursor to a healthier brain and contributes to the neuroplasticity which helps us age “well”. How do we acquire cognitive flexibility? By having to adjust and adapt to changes, to having more opportunities to problem solve and to learning new skills and tasks.

Given that the coronavirus has been an ever present disruptor in our lives, we have all been forced to pivot, to adapt, and to adjust to the myriad of ways in which our lives have changed. Problem solving at times, seems to be a daily occurrence as many of our “old” ways of doing things have disappeared or are no longer available to us. Problem solving is critical for improved cognitive flexibility and it sparks creativity. Bonus!

Many of us have had to lean in to both learning and using technology in new and novel ways and for some of us, just learning to use it period. It has been fascinating to pay attention to the many new skills belonging to the technology realm that I have not only begun learning about but using with some proficiency. It has certainly enhanced some of the activities that I love such as reading and in my writing practice.

After reflecting on these changes in my life, I realize that these are valuable lessons that I have received as a result of the chaos that is occurring in this time. Seems there is a true silver lining in spite of these challenging times, and one that should be paid attention to for the long term. Hope you have discovered your own lessons learned during our time at home.

Stay healthy and well!