Tag: writing

Time for Reflection on Writing, Blogging, and Life

December has traditionally been a busy month, filled with long to do lists, and expectations that we have of ourselves as well as of others. This all gets layered onto our lives in addition to all of the regular routines and responsibilities that we have. Sometimes it is all too easy to focus on the stresses of the upcoming festive season without taking the much needed opportunity to step back and reflect on the past year.

Typically, that comes in January for many of us.

This year I intend to use this last month of the year for mindful review, and as an opportunity to get grounded by reflecting on my writing practice, this blogging adventure, and assessing my reinvention efforts over this past year.

Reflective writing can provide an opportunity to reframe and re-write the times during this past year that were challenging or stressful. It is powerful to realize that we can re-create our narrative and move forward without having to stay stuck in a negative story. This can help us counter-act rumination, worries, and negative thoughts that may cause us to spiral out of emotional control.

Blogging about this has elevated my own personal agency and accountability as a writer. I am realizing how important the habits of writing, story telling, and blogging have become in my life. The energy and excitement I feel when I read the blogs of other writers has served a purpose in my life that I didn’t expect. Writing, and connecting with other story tellers, reminds me that our shared human experience, although at times seems similar, is often different and therefore illuminating.

We can stay stuck in stories of stress or we can move forward to embrace stories of gratitude and resilience. Reflection through the act of writing allows us to witness both our own lives as well as to have glimpses into the lives of others which elevates our potential for positive growth and transformation.

During the times that I have been thinking about this post, I have realized that contemplative time through writing and blogging should become a positive habit and not an occasional luxury. Becoming mindful of the stressors that build within us during this time of the year allows us to slow down, touch the positives in life when events seem overwhelming and unmanageable.

The process of writing and blogging seems to have informed me about the choices that I am making in life and by taking time for reflection, I have this amazing opportunity to get grounded and ready for all that may come in the new year. Stepping back, I also realize that reflection through writing is a skill that requires practice and effort.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.

Carl Jung

How do you use writing as a reflective practice? What other strategies have you used or learned about to remain grounded during this busy time of the year? Please share your thoughts about this, I would appreciate hearing them.

4 Powerful Life Habits that are never too late to fully embrace

As I move along in my journey of reinvention, I have been in a process of continual evaluation of what works in my life and what doesn’t. There are many strategies and tools we can all use to live healthier lives. But often we feel too busy, too overwhelmed, or too stressed to focus on our own needs.

Through this process of self-reflection, I have landed on four life habits that I intend to focus on as I move forward on this journey.

  1. Embrace relationships and adopt an anti-age segregation approach – Over the past thirty years I have often found myself intending to call friends or family members only to place that thought on hold because I told myself that life just gets in the way. Friendships require time, attention, and nurturing and family members may be far away both geographically and emotionally. As you age, the scope of your relationships can become very narrow and your risks of loneliness and all of the subsequent health impacts increase unless you are proactive. Developing relationships with people of all ages exposes us to more interests, opportunities, and a deeper understanding about our lives as well as those of others.
  2. Engage in work or activities that sustain passion and provide your life with meaning – Full time work is not the only activity that we can do as we age that provides opportunity to fulfill our passions and life purpose. Finding any activity that both energizes us, aligns with our values, and stretches our ability to learn and grow is important. What seems to be key is that we have to both embrace and enjoy whatever it is that we choose to do.
  3. Adopt a life long learning habit – Although this may sound like a cliched concept, research from the field of neuroscience suggests that to enhance the brains ability to create new neural pathways, it is critical that we not stop learning new things. The current craze of crossword puzzles, sudoku puzzles, etc., while not harmful, may not stem the tide of dementias as promised. This knowledge is now surpassed by understanding that our brains actually benefit from learning new things and being challenged by the process. Learning new things may be uncomfortable at first, but if we persevere, the gains can be significant.
  4. Adopt healthy habits as soon as possible – (Or it is never too late). Most of us are aware (sometimes painfully so) that our health habits related to proper nutrition, exercise and movement throughout the day can help us achieve our longevity goals. By reducing and eventually avoiding harmful practices such as smoking or vaping cigarettes, drinking excessive amounts of alcohol or abusing other substances, or eating junk or unhealthy amounts of food, we have the ability to turn our health status around no matter what our age. Perhaps most critically is the manner in which we internally talk to ourselves about some of our less desirable habits. Having the ability to counter some of our own negative self-talk and be compassionate towards ourselves can take us forward in a positive way.

These are the healthy habits I am trying to commit to building more mindfully into my life. What are your strategies for living a healthier life? I would love to hear what you and others around you are doing. We only have one life to live and it is a work in progress for all of us.

Retired: But Currently Working…

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been asked on several occasions why I am still working (part-time) when I am “supposed to be retired”. In a teasing type of manner, I have replied that I’m not dead yet and still think I have things to share and contribute to the world around me. And the responses that I have received back have been eerily similar.

Each person who asked me this question, told me that they thought that retirement was to be a time of rest and relaxation. And I had a strange sense that they thought I was doing something wrong by working. Perhaps they thought that it would interfere with my new retired lifestyle.

Many folks who leave full time work continue to work part-time, or try out other types of full time work that differ from their previous careers. It seems unrealistic to imagine a life where for, perhaps, as long as thirty or more years, one stops contributing in some way to the world in which they live. And, there are so many ways to continue to have purpose, provide value, and to feel like a valued member of our communities. Working is only one such strategy.

I often feel as though I am in a situation where I haven’t yet decided what to do with my life. I have been setting some goals, learning new skills, pursuing my passion for writing but I still have a strong sense that my next chapter has not yet to become fully formed in my mind’s eye. Working part-time, gives me the flexibility to earn some income while the vision for the next steps takes shape.

There are differences in my approach to working life now. I have the good fortune to choose when and if I will take on some work and can structure work to fit within my new lifestyle. I can work more at some times than others. I truly feel as though I am no longer a part of the long working hours culture and am able to achieve a level of happiness from my occasional work opportunities.

The badge of “busyness” that many of us ascribe to does not have the meaning it once did, nor do I have the desire or inclination to just be “busy”. Learning to meet other needs such as focusing attention on my health, spending more time with family and friends, choosing to take classes that teach me new skills and further my current interests are now my priority. I am able to pursue what really interests me and I find that just being able to do that, in and of itself, can be a joyful surprise.

But, I still like to work some of the time, and will continue to pursue professional development opportunities that I ironically I actually used to be too busy for. Many of the skills that I have developed over my career are easily transferrable and have allowed me to move forward to new opportunities. This transition has proven to be dynamic and multifaceted in ways that I hadn’t anticipated.

When I was ready to retire a couple of years ago, I had already begun a process of disengagement. Following a period of creative reflection to explore what I want to be in this part of my life experience, has led me to re-engage with the work world on my own terms. I appreciate that I am now able to take the time I need to re-develop my identity during this period of transition. When I pause to think about some of the conversations that I have had recently, I realize that I am quite content to consider myself, Retired but currently working.

Retirement, writing…and the beginner’s mind

Life changes of any kind often leave us in an emotional limbo where we may experience strong sensations of being off balance. Navigating this anxiety provoking tightrope can be challenging indeed.

The old saying, be careful what you wish for, has popped into my mind more than once over the past couple of months. Dreaming for years of having both the time and the freedom to become a writer seemed to be a beacon along the path of a busy life full of family and work obligations. Fantasizing about creating a writer’s den where creative thoughts and activities would abound when I retired was one of my favourite pastimes.

Now that time is here. The part of this new life that never occurred to me was the fact that I would be starting to learn a new set of skills and would have to cultivate a beginner’s mind to appreciate both the learning process as well as the inevitable stumbles along the way.

At a writing workshop I attended not long ago, the instructor spoke of how irritating it could be to hear people state that they intend to write a book in the future as though it would happen with ease. The instructor revealed that most people practically have no concept of how demanding and taxing the work of writing can be. Writing, both art and craft, requires all of the activities you find in learning any new skill. Practice, learning to fail, and developing micro skills one step at a time are all in play on your road to any type of writing success.

When you read a strong piece of writing, it often does little to reveal all of the sweat equity and investment that have to coalesce in order for the writer to arrive with a successful finished product. Learning to have patience, to practice with no end or deliverable required, spending more hours rewriting than actually putting words on the page, are all a part of the beginning writer’s reality.

So how do you cultivate what is often referred to as the beginner’s mind?

Reflecting on past new beginnings in our lives can be helpful. What were my emotional and psychological experiences when I entered high school, university, got married, started my career, had a family? Using a journaling approach to answer questions about these previous life transitions, taught me that I have forgotten how hard life changes can actually be. They are scary, feel threatening, place you on very steep learning curves, and require you to reach out for support at times.

They also mean that you have to become kind and compassionate with yourself as you are learning new skills and going through the trial and error process that is all part and parcel of the beginner’s state of mind. Most importantly, I think I am beginning to accept that it is okay to experience many different emotions as I navigate this new stage of life and struggle to develop new skills as a writer. And that this is okay.

Intrinsic satisfaction – another way to measure blogging success.

We use a variety of measures in many stages of our lives to determine whether or not we have been successful. Most of us will have some perspective on the shape of our lives as it unfolds and whether or not we believe that we have achieved some measure of success. Most often we measure ourselves and the worth of our activities based on external factors.

In the field of work, an entire industry exists to create numerous metrics by which we can measure our achievements. In the world of sport, we either win or we lose. In the world of the arts, we create and assign success by whether or not others either purchase our works or admire them in some way. In the political realm, you are either voted in or you are voted out.

Long lasting relationships are often deemed to be successful, and family members sometimes measure their self worth based on achievements of their partners or their children. For some of us, the number of friends we have has become a symbol often used to assess our self worth.

Since I have started blogging, I have read many posts on how to develop your brand and write about your niche. There are many strategies and techniques described and shared so you can have readers follow you, like your posts, etc. Content concepts seem to outshine the creative process of writing. One begins to wonder if the way to determine the achievement of blogging success can only be determined by statistics.

When was the last time you did any activity in your life without the expectation of measuring up, without checking the graphs, number of likes, and analysis of insights?

What if you enjoy becoming lost in the flow of writing and posting ideas that emerge in a creative daily life with the hopes of engaging others but not worrying about whether or not the idea measures up through statistical analysis?

Is it possible to create, connect, and enjoy the writing that abounds in this blogging world simply for the pleasure of the experience? Surely, if we could quantify and measure our intrinsic satisfaction, it would precede any other measures of success that we strive to achieve.

Rebooting Time Management skills and Learning to Conquer Fear

Last month I attended a workshop that focused on the practical aspects of writing and time management. The struggle with managing my time since I have retired and left the full time work world continues to catch me by surprise. Distractions abound in my day to day life and by day’s end I find that although I have been busy, I have accomplished little.

How strange is that? Activities that I firmly believe I am committed to seem to vaporize during the course of the day. Sure, there are many things that I actually do and have finished but what I wanted to do most in my heart of hearts before I retired was to reignite my passion for creative writing.

Developing a consistent writing practice seems to allude me and is often hit or miss.

When I worked full time, I was able to juggle a prodigious number of tasks easily throughout most days. Often using project management techniques I was able to ensure my goals were met and expected deliverables were completed.

But, writing on a daily basis, has proven more difficult than I expected.

So the course on time management skills for writers, revealed a world of time management strategies that I was not even aware of. The course instructor used an astonishing number of acronyms and provided a fascinating list of time management gurus, videos, software programs and apps.

I then devoted time to watching suggested videos, previewing software packages, and ordering time management books from our local library system but had a strong sense that I was missing the boat here. Digging deeper I began to reflect on the fact that I was in the throes of procrastination.

Why was I procrastinating?

Sure, I have written some pieces of poetry and short fiction, and I started this blog. I have joined a writer’s group for support and accountability but it was starting to dawn on me that I must be missing the bigger picture.

This is about Fear. Yes, the simplest explanation for all of this is fear. Fear of putting myself out there, being judged, not being a good enough writer – my list of fears was long. Fear accompanies anyone beginning a new career, lifestyle, or journey. It seems important to learn to coexist with my fear, become okay with my status as a beginner who is learning to write and to begin to identify as a writer.

Have you ever been held back by fear? If so, what did you do to overcome it. I would love to hear your comments about fear and if it accompanies you on your journey.

How the concept of “Mattering” Matters

Approximately thirty years ago, Dr. Nancy Schlossberg, counselling psychologist at the University of Maryland, wrote a seminal paper outlining the impact of the concepts of “mattering” and “marginalization” on the lives of people during life transitions. Specifically her research looked at the impact of significant life change on students transitioning from high school to college or university and retirees who had left full time work. Dr. Schlossberg developed a theory of transition that suggested the importance of mattering to ourselves and others and illuminated the possible challenges that many of us may face during any life changing experience through marginalization.

Drawing on a concept that was originally developed by sociologist, Dr. Morris Rosenberg, “Mattering” could be described as being dependent on several aspects being in place:

1. Attention – Whether or not we feel that we matter to and are noticed by others;

2. Importance – A belief that one is cared about and that what we are doing is considered to be of some importance to others or ourselves;

3. Dependence – Feeling that we matter if we are needed by others;

4. Ego-Extension – The feeling that if we succeed or if we fail that others will notice and will support us;

5. Appreciation – That we are in fact, appreciated for what we do, whatever that may be.

The concept of “marginalization” results when some of these factors are not met and we may become marginalized when we transition from one stage of our lives to another. Schlossberg’s theory of transition and her research suggested that retirement could be a time when we feel like we continue to matter to others or ourselves or it could be a time when we begin to feel like we are resting on the margins of our lives. Any time we make or experience a significant change in our lives, we often feel somewhat off balance and need to devote time and energy to become grounded again.

Strategies that I have found helpful as I move through this time of transition have been to take advantage of having more time for friends, family, and making new acquaintances. I have been pleasantly surprised by a whole world of people who no longer work full time but take lifelong learning courses, exercise classes, and are available during the daytime. Continuing to work part time allows me to use skills that I have in new ways and with new people and allows me to continue to feel like what I do is important, meaningful, and matters.

Finally, learning what it means to experience being a beginner all over again as I learn new skills and pursue new interests. Being able to appreciate what others have done or are doing has enriched my experience as well. Perhaps most importantly, I have learned to be kind and patient with myself as I work to avoid feeling marginalized while I am building this new stage of my life. How about you? What strategies might you have used when experiencing life changes to continue to feel as if you “matter”??

Retirement Reinvention – Moving beyond golf and pickle ball

We each carry around a picture or visual schema of what people are supposed to do once they retire. Often this is based on the kinds of retirement activities we observed our family members engaging in and the social constructs that have existed for decades about this chapter in the life course. Stereotypical activities such as golfing, playing pickle ball or bridge populate our thinking about this stage of life.

The process of aging, which permeates these societal expectations and also may create stigma, complicates this.

So, what types of activities do you pursue when you retire and begin the process of reinvention?

The answer to that question seems to be elusive for some and easily addressed for others. It is critical to recognize that for some people, there may be as many as 30 plus years ahead of them. That is often the same length of time that many people have worked in full time jobs. Perhaps this is what makes some people nervous when they contemplate leaving work. That horizon ahead, may represent decades in our lives. This can be intimidating or exhilarating or both.

Individuals who have well developed plans for reinvention when they leave work often seem to move full throttle ahead. To some, this might seem like the last opportunity to recreate your life, leaving the past behind and pursuing new possibilities. This can be daunting and no one has a crystal ball that tells them how long they have.

Setting clear intentions may help guide your direction, whatever that is, whether it actually is golf, pickle ball or something else. Developing a focus with an actual plan helps. Trying out new pursuits and creating a passion based on a life long love of learning has helped me navigate the first couple years of my retirement. Narrowing down my list of activities and what I truly wished to pursue, has helped propel me in ways that have moved my quest for reinvention forward.

Discovering when something doesn’t resonate or fit my new lifestyle and feeling free to release it by discarding what no longer make sense. All of this has occurred in a trial and error kind of way. When you make significant changes in your life, what approaches have proven to be most helpful for you? This has been a pivotal aspect of reinvention and I will continue to revisit this in the future on this blog. Your comments and input would be appreciated.

Letting things in by letting things go

Get rid of clutter and you may just find it was blocking the door you’ve been looking for

Katrina Mayer

This past weekend, I went with a family member on a home tour sponsored by a local elementary school to raise funds for playground equipment. All the homes which we toured through showcased fabulous pieces of artwork, furniture, books, bottles of wine, etc. The pursuit of creating perfectly curated homes was in evidence everywhere we went. The meaning attached to collecting these types of items has shifted drastically for me since I have retired from full time work.

I was struck by the irony that after many years of accumulating “things” many people often end up having to build additions on their homes or trade up for larger and larger living spaces. I found myself wondering what would become of all of these precious belongings in the future. Who would be tasked with the job of downsizing that would be inevitable? The energy and effort it would take to dispose of these possessions would be significant.

There seems to be a tug of war between the race to collect more and more things as evidenced by our tendency towards rampant consumerism and the minimalist movement which is focused on a need to reduce, recycle, and re-purpose. Reflecting on the reality that Marie Kondo has achieved both a cult and verb status, I am hyper aware that I have entered a life phase where my desire to downsize and possess “less” has never been stronger.

I do not seem to need a specialized strategy to act on this impulse. Moving into this next chapter seems to have created a natural evolution to let things go in order to free up more space in my life. The more I donate, recycle, sell or give things to others, the stronger the sense I have of creating room for new pursuits, interests, and passions. Who knew that embarking on a major decluttering project would open up so much emotional space for growth?

Cruella de Vil and the credit card charges

Late last week, I answered a very early morning call on my landline (I know they seem to be a relic from a not so distant past), and was somewhat startled by the long distance ring tone at that time of the day. When I answered, there was a long pause and then an automated recording began. The electronic voice immediately brought to mind the distinctive voice of the character, Cruella de Vil from the Disney movie 101 Dalmations. I recognized that I should simply hangup the phone but being captivated by the voice in the recording, I stayed on the line.

The recorded voice told me that I had an unauthorized credit card charge from eBay (which I have never actually used) of $300.00 and some cents. I continued to listen and was told that I had incurred an international charge over $1,000.00. The Cruella de Vil voice did not tell me at any time in the recording what type of credit card I had. Just another nonsense scam phone call albeit at a much earlier time in the day than is typical. At this point, I hung up the phone both annoyed and thinking about the frequency of fraudulent activities that try to permeate so many areas of our lives these days.

It seems that daily we are bombarded with newspaper and online reports of the latest phishing emails or text messages. The formulas for robocalling seem to defy logic and at first I thought the volume of these calls was due to having a landline telephone and now that I am retired, I am at home to answer them. When I was working, I did not experience these types of calls throughout the day so this is a relatively new experience. Certainly, there were weekly updates at work on the latest types of emails that you were to report and forward immediately to the IT department. We were frequently advised not to click on any links in suspicious emails, etc. but this all seemed somewhat innocuous to me at the time.

Now these calls come on any type of phone along with toxic text messages that now warrant routinely sending them to trash. If you travel, you have to protect your passport as well as credit cards with special covers that are lined with metal inside. This apparently is to fend off scanning devices which use the chips on those items to potentially pirate your identity and money. News reports tell us of business and government departments who have inadvertently released confidential employee information and warn us when finance departments have sent funds to phony new bank accounts. These are just the tip of the iceberg and the list of scams seems endless to me.

In addition, attending the latest anti-fraud protection seminar is important no matter who you are. Keeping up with all of the tricks used by scammers can be exhaustive as well as annoying. Explaining to elderly friends and family members about the complexity of scams as well as how commonplace they are, is an ongoing necessary task. At times, we like to believe that we would not fall victim to these scammers but really we are all equally vulnerable. I wonder what it will take to turn the tide and begin to trust the daily messages we receive.