Tag: writing

The Tyranny of Transitions

There’s nothing harder in life than transitions. For most of us, being in-between is just plain uncomfortable

Sage Cohen

All major life changes have challenges for us. This past weekend, I was out walking and met a young man trying to coax a very tired and very old dog to keep moving. His dog was refusing to go any further so I stopped to talk with him. As we began chatting, I learned that this young man was experiencing what he called the tyranny of transition. He volunteered that he had just completed a university degree, his summer employment had ended, and that there were no immediate employment prospects on the horizon. He said that he now felt like he was adrift and we then shifted our conversation to talking about the emotional experience of life transitions.

One of the initial surprises I had in retirement was the sensation of being emotionally off balance. Although this is a typical response to many types of life change, it seemed particularly unsettling as it was unexpected and I thought I had done a sufficient amount of pre-planning prior to leaving full time work. By the time your career has reached a three decade milestone, you have achieved a degree of mastery over many tasks and skills so beginning anew in this next stage of life can create some cognitive dissonance.

To complicate matters, many people in your life may assume that this is a wonderful time for you so to express the emotional manifestation of loss and uncertainty seems somewhat taboo. After all, how do you share with someone who is taxed and stressed by the many demands of a full time work life, that you may be struggling as well. Needing to develop a sense of equilibrium along with the dawning recognition that you are starting all over again, can seem daunting.

Beginnings can be difficult in and of themselves, but there is also the emotional work of acknowledging the ending of this chapter in your life. Saying goodbye to wherever you retired from is not a one shot deal that culminates with a final celebration. There are a number of things that we must let go of which may include relationships with former colleagues; the identity and roles you may have held, and learning that the manner in which you may have viewed the world may shift. To move forward, there is a need to recognize and let go of what you are leaving behind.

Being able to acknowledge and have some type of plan for any transitional period can be helpful. I learned that creating a routine, structure for my days as well as writing about my experience was helpful to integrate this new and at times, unsettling way forward. Developing a network of supportive connections and learning as much as I could about the psychology of transitions became anchors that helped me feel grounded during this time. I am interested in learning what others have found helpful during any type of life change or transition. Please leave a comment below about what may have worked for you?

Time to turn the calendar…

“And all at once, summer collapsed into fall” – Oscar Wilde

The Labour Day weekend evokes a host of memories that always seem to surface in connection to the beginning of the school year. Long gone are the days of frenetic shopping for school supplies, the often unsuccessful search for everything on the list, and the anticipated reunion with friends to share highlights of summer vacation. The whirlwind flurry of moving everyone into a schedule that will sustain and support activities and commitments for the next ten months, thankfully, is also a distant memory.

A strong sense of personal renewal in the fall often occurs as the warm summer days persist but cool evenings and chilly nights emerge. Long to do lists that were once an ever present feature of those days continue somewhat in the form of sticky notes. These random sticky notes are peppered with ideas for building a schedule which will now focus on goals, passions to pursue, and possible learning opportunities. This year, this seasonal change has brought a renewed sense of optimistic energy that I haven’t experienced since I retired.

Excitement now replaces the old sensation which, at times, felt like a low level murmur of anxiety about completing all the to do obligations of this season. Now I fully realize that I am able to focus on tasks that will move me forward, closer to the goals that I would like to reach, and the life I am actively designing in this period of reinvention. Dropping what no longer fits in my life, creates a sense of feeling free and unencumbered.

It occurred to me today, that although I don’t have to pay attention to the changing of the seasons in the same manner I did when I worked full time, the energy of renewal that comes with the kids going back to school, is a perfect opportunity for reflection. Time to reflect if my goals are being met, need to be adjusted, or if it is time to move on to something else. Without all of the work world pressures, I can relish this time to figure out my priorities and to create a schedule filled with meaning and purpose. It is definitely time to turn the calendar!

Elusive Introductions

What changes take place when you need to introduce yourself to new people after you have begun the transition into retirement? Last month, I met a woman who arrived at a course I was instructing, who seemed to be evasive when it came time to introductions. I wondered why she had come to the course and if I would learn more about her over the next two days.

We connected for a brief but illuminating moment at coffee time. I learned that she had retired from a long and illustrious career just seven months ago. She also revealed the struggle she was experiencing in searching for the next steps of her path. What resonated for me, was the tangible and felt sense of both anxiety and anticipation in what might come next. I was startled by my own recognition of the mixed emotions she described and the fear I have had that no one else will understand this aspect of the experience.

Resting on the laurels of a stellar and brilliant career that may have spanned anywhere between thirty and forty years matters not to anyone but you once it is finished. I have noticed some people tune right out as soon as you utter the word, “retired”, and others launch into a diatribe about why they could not even think about leaving the work world at this time. Some people are curious, though, and express genuine interest in what you might do with the time during your day. Conversations either end at this point or move to safer topics. This often leaves me with a vague feeling that unless I can define for myself a role that clearly projects future contributions, I am somehow less than I used to be.

Ironically, the anchor of my past career seemed, at times, more like an albatross while I was working and while I knew this transition to retirement would bring some identity challenges, I have yet to figure them out. I find myself paying much closer attention when someone who has retired also introduces themselves in any social setting. I realize that I unconsciously rely on learning about someone’s professional or vocational role when I meet someone. My search for better strategies for social introductions continues.