Month: April 2020

“Focus and Finish”

My writer’s group has been connecting during the pandemic on What’s App. This was the first time I had used this tool and it has been a wonderful way to have short, meaningful conversations with my fellow writers in between our monthly Zoom meetings. It has been a source of inspiration, a sharing of resources that others in the group have discovered or have been using, and it has been about all things writing and has served as a terrific source of support.

One of the gems that one member of our writer’s group passed along was a new mantra she had been using that was short, snappy, and helpful to keep writing in spite of all of the distractions from the pandemic and the anxiety that has been a natural result of it. The mantra was simply, “Focus & Finish”.

As I have worked over the past five or six weeks to rebuild my daily routine, I have found myself sliding into a place of procrastination when it comes to writing. Typically, in the past, whenever I have noticed that I am procrastinating, I have been able to trace the root of why I am delaying doing something, to fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, and fear of judgement by others have been the usual reasons why my writing practice stalls.

I have several short stories that need editing so I can continue my long term goal of submitting my work for consideration to be published. Earlier this year I had committed to the process and set out to try and collect as many rejections as possible this year. Writing deadlines for open submissions as well as writing contests for short fiction are currently looming over my desk and I am struggling to find the motivation I need to finalize the edits needed and submit.

My experience with the COVID-19 pandemic seems have inadvertently created a previously unknown obstacle. My ability to focus on longer term goals has gone by the wayside as our lives hang in a weird kind of abeyance. Procrastination typically is a tug of way between what we hope for and wish to see in the future and the action we need to take in the present to accomplish those things.

And normally when procrastination makes itself known, it is fear that gets in the way.

But right now, I can’t identify any fears other than worries about COVID-19. And it seems to have been the spark for this current bout of procrastination in my life. This new inability to sit down and finish what I know has to be completed, has been a strange kind of struggle. I have come to recognize that it is likely an emotional coping response to the pandemic. So, when my writing colleague suggested that her mantra, “Focus & Finish” was helping her to keep going, I thought I would give it a try.

Has it worked?

Well sort of… I am still blogging, and I have at least opened the files of the pieces of writing that have need of my attention and editing efforts. I have created a sticky note with these two words and attached it to the side of my computer monitor and am going to try to overcome the pandemic anxiety which has inserted itself into my life as an unwelcome guest. I need to practice using the mantra and am hoping it will stick and help me move along.

“Focus & Finish.” “Focus & Finish.”

“Focus & Finish….

Stay healthy and well!

Life imitates the Stock Market

Since the declaration of the pandemic, the stock market has dipped lower and lower. Being a recent retiree, this has created considerable anxiety as I have watched my life savings plummeting, then recovering, only to plunge downward once again. My financial advisor has made several sage suggestions – don’t track your investments daily; recognize that you haven’t lost anything until you sell, and above all else – practice good self-care to reduce anxiety.

New routines, acts of incredible compassion and kindness along with the beginnings of adjustment to our new normal seem to be accompanied daily by tragic circumstances and chaos. The past few weeks have felt like we have either been travelling on a wicked roller coaster or that our lives have been mimicking the drastic swings of the stock market. It is disconcerting to say the least. Thankfully, we have also seen many high points…

We have seen an outpouring of appreciation for so many in our communities as we work collectively towards a common goal. We are appreciative of our health care workers who are guiding us through this pandemic and working hard at preparations in the event that this pandemic becomes worse than it already is. Many homes in our community sing, pound on pots, ring bells when the health care worker shift change occurs each evening at 7:00 p.m. For some people, it is also a time to safely say hello to neighbours.

There are so many unsung heroes that are worthy of our gratitude and appreciation. It is heartening to see the recognition being given for those in our world who previously have been the “invisible” work force. The collective awareness of work being done by our grocery store clerks, those who maintain our water, power, and sewage systems, our sanitation engineers, transit workers, and so many others whose work is essential and often unappreciated whose contributions are now being celebrated.

These moments of positivity, though are punctuated at times by sadness. From learning the daily death tolls that come from around the globe, the devastation this virus has had on the elderly in nursing homes, and the constantly shifting information that we hear about this virus day to day. Some of the lows also come from the politicization of this world challenge, having to watch protests over stay at home orders, and all of the game play that world power brokers and politicians indulge in at our expense.

The events in our lives seem to be moving from high points to low ones in a similar manner to the current fluctuations on the stock market.

This past week our country sustained another devastating crash as we have had to bear witness to what has been the worst mass murder in our nation’s history. Everyone has been stunned by the senseless killing compounded by our current experience of collective grieving. Our nation is moving as one and sending heartfelt messages to the victims of this crime and that has caused such searing pain to so many families. This has been further complicated by the physical distancing measures still in place.

How do we make sense of the many highs and lows that we are living through right now?

We all need constant reminders that just like the stock market that we will indeed, recover. This can only be done when we stand together. We each have a role to look out for one another and look after ourselves. Stay well and safe!

Balancing our expectations

Reading through good news threads today revealed multiple stories about the types of things people are baking during this pandemic, the number of books that have been read, and even lists of the number of exercise workouts people have completed. There have also been posts circulating on social media which suggest that if we do not use this time to learn new things then we must not be using it well.

Holding expectations for goal achievement during this time when so many of us are sheltering in place seems somewhat odd to me. Given the collective trauma that this pandemic engenders, the desire to attain any high bar of achievement should be one of private, personal choice. Comparing yourself to the achievements of others right now seems like one of the last things we should be focused on. Actually, I’m not sure it’s a good idea at the best of times.

Combine the pressure to learn something new along with having to work from home in addition to having your typical daily routine upended, may result in an undue amount of stress. It seems more important than ever to pay careful attention now to all of our mental and physical health needs of ourselves and those we care for.

Our new normal is anxiety provoking in and of itself and the desire to continue to focus on our accomplishments in comparison to others seems a bit superficial. Having personal goals may be healthy and for many of us, it’s really how we get things in our lives done. It helps motivate us in the best of times but caution may be needed during a pandemic. Paying careful attention to the ebb and flow of our daily emotions should be top of mind.

Planning for the future during this time is less important than managing and monitoring our mental well-being. We have no idea of what our future holds or what our new normal may be. Expectations of ourselves should be balanced with all of the limitations that we currently have and the recognition of what is beyond our control.

I have found myself several times, feeling adrift, and unable to focus. When this occurs, I can be hard on myself and need to challenge any negative self talk that seems to automatically happen. I am also cognizant that my daily writing practice was built around a routine that included many activities that I am no longer able to participate in. Rebuilding that routine has been challenging.

In order to avoid placing un realistic expectations upon ourselves, it may be helpful to set goals that would encourage us to pay attention to the times that we practice self-compassion. Rather than only posting photos of the most recent loaf of bread baked, or any other notable accomplishments, it might be helpful for others to learn what strategies we have found to be most helpful in maintaining a healthy balance in our lives.

Reading posts about how people are occupying their time can be illustrative and reassuring. The trick is not to compare yourself to what others are doing and what you may not be able to do at this time. Hopefully if we can learn new lessons for a more balanced well being, along with the ability to cope with crisis, we might consolidate this new knowledge as we move forward when the pandemic crisis resolves.

What types of expectations have you set for yourself during this time of crisis? If you haven’t been able to meet them, are you okay with that? We have enough challenges to keep us going for some time, it’s not necessary to add to them by wanting to do what everyone else is. Stay healthy and well!

Emotional SeeSaw

It occurred to me this morning that there are some similarities to our current world which requires everyone to practice social distancing and the beginning weeks of my retirement. Clearly, the magnitude of what we are experiencing globally really has no comparison, but every once in awhile I have a strong sense that I have recently experienced something similar in the past couple of years.

Upon reflection, the period of time leading up to retirement included a low grade level of fear – to be expected when we encounter a life changing experience for the first time. When I have a moment of deja vu, I recall having felt like I was stepping off a sharp cliff with no real sense of whether or not I had a parachute or where I might land. This feeling has resurfaced for me from time to time during the pandemic. No one knows when this will be over, what course it may take, and what the long term impact on our lives may be.

Now, to be clear, retirement was my choice, and was within my control. There were also many moments of excitement, and positive anticipation. However, change is anxiety provoking and as with what is occurring now, I did experience some trepidation about what the future would hold.

When I first left full time work to join my husband who had been retired for many years, it seemed we were running in a three legged race. Spending all of our time together, day in and day out, typically only happened during vacation times. So we had to adjust to this and I’m certain it was harder for my husband than for me. Definitely not the smoothest transition, a few steps forward accompanied by several steps back.

Fast forward to just prior to the pandemic and it is worth noting how far we had come. We had managed to achieve a wonderful place of balance between being able to spend much more time together doing things we had always hoped to do as well as to pursuing our own individual interests and spending time with different groups of people.

Social isolation has moved us right back to that same place. So occasionally, we find ourselves negotiating a three legged race. I suspect that because we have navigated these waters just a couple of years ago, that we will soon find ourselves back in balance. This concern is one that several people have mentioned to me recently and it takes some strategizing to find the right rhythm that works for a partnership.

The largest challenge I find at this time, is the looming sense of the unknown. I struggled with this for awhile during my transition into retirement and had moved into a place just before the pandemic of my own design. Now I find myself trying to once again find my footing as some of my current favourite activities have ceased. At times, it feels like being on a emotional seesaw and to avoid tumbling off, I am trying on different strategies to find a sense of equilibrium.

Rather than focusing on the things I am unable to continue to do, I find it helpful to ground myself by acknowledging daily all that I still have in my life. Being patient with myself and my husband, and by reaching out to those I care about, I feel more able to manage the ups and the downs. It has become a new routine for me to build in time at the start of each day to reflect on what my needs are and figure out how to meet them.

The one aspect that I have realized that is the same as my recent experience of transitioning into retirement and this new world of social distancing, is just how important it is to maintain a sense of optimism and hope. Perhaps you have found strategies that work well to keep you in balance during this time. Please feel free to share them. Stay healthy and well!

Gardening for the Future

With so many of our lives turned upside down from the COVID-19 pandemic, it is becoming crucial to find strategies and activities that have purpose and future orientation. Finding something that allows us to consider the future without worry about the novel coronavirus can be challenging. Having something to look forward to is both grounding and necessary for our mental well-being.

Many news stories are currently focused on the question around “how long will this crisis last”. Without a crystal ball, and by listening to medical experts who describe scientific models that chart and track the spread of this pandemic, can leave us feeling overwhelmed and anxious. None of us have a sense of what will occur over the next number of weeks or months.

My brother mentioned the concept of a “victory garden” to me last week and since then I have been using time on the internet to learn more about this phenomenon from the Second World War. Certainly this type of research has been both inspiring and has served to keep me from obsessively reading about our world crisis. People have always creatively used soil cultivation to grow food in ways to help others as well as themselves.

There are wonderful models of community and kitchen gardens that will likely flourish over the next couple of months. Gardening is a great activity to assist us in having a more future oriented focus. Watching seedlings pop up, preparing the soil (if it ever warms up!), and organizing and planning your garden design are great things to look forward to. Chatting with friends about seed exchanges and thinking about sharing seedlings and cuttings is a welcome diversion from today’s events.

In this early stage of spring, we can also consider growing vegetables, herbs, and some fruits for others. For neighbours who don’t have the space, for friends and family members, and for those in our lives who have lost their jobs at this time. We can also try and find extra spaces in our yards so we can contribute collectively to our food banks. Last year I noticed vegetables being grown along boulevards in our community and in other public spaces where you used to find grass.

Actually, the more I reflect on growing my garden this year, the more I realize the beneficial aspects of gardening for good mental health in addition to providing us with healthy food. Gardening as a physical activity uses muscles that we don’t often use throughout the winter months. Digging in soil has been shown to improve our immune systems and I have always found the feeling of earth in my fingers to be healing.

For parents now home with their children as schools have been closed, what a wonderful opportunity for education and enrichment by growing things. Collectively we can create opportunities for bees and butterflies to flourish and keep our ecosystems healthy. On this first day of April, I intend to plan my garden, order and pick up seeds on the curb of my favourite gardening centre. This day feels better already. Stay healthy and well!