Author: Linda Meyer

Rebooting Time Management skills and Learning to Conquer Fear

Last month I attended a workshop that focused on the practical aspects of writing and time management. The struggle with managing my time since I have retired and left the full time work world continues to catch me by surprise. Distractions abound in my day to day life and by day’s end I find that although I have been busy, I have accomplished little.

How strange is that? Activities that I firmly believe I am committed to seem to vaporize during the course of the day. Sure, there are many things that I actually do and have finished but what I wanted to do most in my heart of hearts before I retired was to reignite my passion for creative writing.

Developing a consistent writing practice seems to allude me and is often hit or miss.

When I worked full time, I was able to juggle a prodigious number of tasks easily throughout most days. Often using project management techniques I was able to ensure my goals were met and expected deliverables were completed.

But, writing on a daily basis, has proven more difficult than I expected.

So the course on time management skills for writers, revealed a world of time management strategies that I was not even aware of. The course instructor used an astonishing number of acronyms and provided a fascinating list of time management gurus, videos, software programs and apps.

I then devoted time to watching suggested videos, previewing software packages, and ordering time management books from our local library system but had a strong sense that I was missing the boat here. Digging deeper I began to reflect on the fact that I was in the throes of procrastination.

Why was I procrastinating?

Sure, I have written some pieces of poetry and short fiction, and I started this blog. I have joined a writer’s group for support and accountability but it was starting to dawn on me that I must be missing the bigger picture.

This is about Fear. Yes, the simplest explanation for all of this is fear. Fear of putting myself out there, being judged, not being a good enough writer – my list of fears was long. Fear accompanies anyone beginning a new career, lifestyle, or journey. It seems important to learn to coexist with my fear, become okay with my status as a beginner who is learning to write and to begin to identify as a writer.

Have you ever been held back by fear? If so, what did you do to overcome it. I would love to hear your comments about fear and if it accompanies you on your journey.

How the concept of “Mattering” Matters

Approximately thirty years ago, Dr. Nancy Schlossberg, counselling psychologist at the University of Maryland, wrote a seminal paper outlining the impact of the concepts of “mattering” and “marginalization” on the lives of people during life transitions. Specifically her research looked at the impact of significant life change on students transitioning from high school to college or university and retirees who had left full time work. Dr. Schlossberg developed a theory of transition that suggested the importance of mattering to ourselves and others and illuminated the possible challenges that many of us may face during any life changing experience through marginalization.

Drawing on a concept that was originally developed by sociologist, Dr. Morris Rosenberg, “Mattering” could be described as being dependent on several aspects being in place:

1. Attention – Whether or not we feel that we matter to and are noticed by others;

2. Importance – A belief that one is cared about and that what we are doing is considered to be of some importance to others or ourselves;

3. Dependence – Feeling that we matter if we are needed by others;

4. Ego-Extension – The feeling that if we succeed or if we fail that others will notice and will support us;

5. Appreciation – That we are in fact, appreciated for what we do, whatever that may be.

The concept of “marginalization” results when some of these factors are not met and we may become marginalized when we transition from one stage of our lives to another. Schlossberg’s theory of transition and her research suggested that retirement could be a time when we feel like we continue to matter to others or ourselves or it could be a time when we begin to feel like we are resting on the margins of our lives. Any time we make or experience a significant change in our lives, we often feel somewhat off balance and need to devote time and energy to become grounded again.

Strategies that I have found helpful as I move through this time of transition have been to take advantage of having more time for friends, family, and making new acquaintances. I have been pleasantly surprised by a whole world of people who no longer work full time but take lifelong learning courses, exercise classes, and are available during the daytime. Continuing to work part time allows me to use skills that I have in new ways and with new people and allows me to continue to feel like what I do is important, meaningful, and matters.

Finally, learning what it means to experience being a beginner all over again as I learn new skills and pursue new interests. Being able to appreciate what others have done or are doing has enriched my experience as well. Perhaps most importantly, I have learned to be kind and patient with myself as I work to avoid feeling marginalized while I am building this new stage of my life. How about you? What strategies might you have used when experiencing life changes to continue to feel as if you “matter”??

Retirement Reinvention – Moving beyond golf and pickle ball

We each carry around a picture or visual schema of what people are supposed to do once they retire. Often this is based on the kinds of retirement activities we observed our family members engaging in and the social constructs that have existed for decades about this chapter in the life course. Stereotypical activities such as golfing, playing pickle ball or bridge populate our thinking about this stage of life.

The process of aging, which permeates these societal expectations and also may create stigma, complicates this.

So, what types of activities do you pursue when you retire and begin the process of reinvention?

The answer to that question seems to be elusive for some and easily addressed for others. It is critical to recognize that for some people, there may be as many as 30 plus years ahead of them. That is often the same length of time that many people have worked in full time jobs. Perhaps this is what makes some people nervous when they contemplate leaving work. That horizon ahead, may represent decades in our lives. This can be intimidating or exhilarating or both.

Individuals who have well developed plans for reinvention when they leave work often seem to move full throttle ahead. To some, this might seem like the last opportunity to recreate your life, leaving the past behind and pursuing new possibilities. This can be daunting and no one has a crystal ball that tells them how long they have.

Setting clear intentions may help guide your direction, whatever that is, whether it actually is golf, pickle ball or something else. Developing a focus with an actual plan helps. Trying out new pursuits and creating a passion based on a life long love of learning has helped me navigate the first couple years of my retirement. Narrowing down my list of activities and what I truly wished to pursue, has helped propel me in ways that have moved my quest for reinvention forward.

Discovering when something doesn’t resonate or fit my new lifestyle and feeling free to release it by discarding what no longer make sense. All of this has occurred in a trial and error kind of way. When you make significant changes in your life, what approaches have proven to be most helpful for you? This has been a pivotal aspect of reinvention and I will continue to revisit this in the future on this blog. Your comments and input would be appreciated.

Choosing a social media platform for blogging?

One of my newfound favourite activities since I retired from full time work, is to listen to afternoon radio while cooking a meal or baking something. Recently, I listened to a technology piece on a public broadcasting station about the carbon impact of commonly used social media platforms. My ears perked up when this part of the segment was aired as I have been following blogs and tutorials on the importance of using social media platforms to encourage blog readership.

I am somewhat of a luddite when it comes to social media and to date, I seem to have avoided learning how to use any of these platforms. In today’s world, apparently it very common for people to use numerous different platforms for many different purposes. When you don’t, people tend to find this odd and sometimes, I have actually been shamed for not using certain types of social media. So I have been cautious about choosing the best platform to promote my blog and writing activities.

This radio program segment was instructive for me in the sense that I learned I need to do research to learn more about these platforms and not simply from the perspective about how to promote a blog. There seems to be a need to carefully examine the use of personal technology from a climate change perspective. Although the journalist spoke about the multitude of uses of technology and social media to further our knowledge and provide necessary education about climate change, I found it interesting to consider that we need to understand how data is stored and what forms of energy are required for that.

I must admit that when I think of cloud technology, I carry a visual representation of white fluffy clouds. Data storage, I learned, does in fact have a carbon footprint. The journalist I was listening to suggested that as consumers of social media technology we should carefully examine what the ramifications might be of various platforms in relationship to climate change. It seemed to me that given all of this, it might be important to only choose to use one. Having no experience with any of them, what is the most beneficial social media platform to promote a blog? I would appreciate any thoughts you might be willing to share about this as I continue my research about social media options.

Time Becomes Elastic

How did it get so

late so soon?

Dr. Suess

One of the most intriguing discoveries that I have made about the transition to retirement has been my experience with time. On one hand, time seems to extend over entire days like an elastic band being stretched farther and farther, and then on the other hand, it snaps and goes by far too quickly. The topic of time is by far one of the most curious aspects of retirement that others ask about. “What do you do with all of your time?” is now a question that I have come to expect when someone inquires about my transition from full time work.

When I was preparing for retirement, boredom was a state that I was certain I could avoid. After all, during the busy and exhausting many years that I worked full time, I often daydreamed about time. Having more of it to do what I needed to do and more importantly, what I thought I truly wanted to do. It didn’t occur to me that time might slow considerably and that it was in fact, possible for the state of boredom to emerge in my life.

I had left work at the end of May and found that most of that first summer was like being on an extended vacation. Once the calendar rolled over to September, I began to flounder somewhat and found that in an effort to stave off boredom, I scheduled far too many activities into my life. My sleeping, eating, and exercise routines remained much the same as they had been during my full time work life. These routines were designed to manage the overcommitted aspects of that world.

Much of that first year was spent busily exploring this new reality, visiting with family and friends that previously there was never enough time to connect with. Leaning on friendships of others who were retired and had more experience with this stage of life than I did. Taking classes, committing to volunteer projects for worthy organizations, developing small contracts using my professional skills, enjoying day time yoga classes, starting a book club, and many other activities. All of this “busyness” certainly fulfilled my psychological need to manage the change impact of this transition.

As I moved into the second year of retirement from full time work, I became more discerning about what I was willing to commit to and began the process of unravelling previous routines and developing a new understanding of what I wanted to be doing with my life. I seemed to be learning to spend more time in state of relaxed reflection in order to consider what I needed either more or less of in my life. This continues to be a work in progress and as I alter my relationship with time as well as boredom, I am starting to appreciate that time is truly the ultimate gift that we have. What is your relationship with time?

Letting things in by letting things go

Get rid of clutter and you may just find it was blocking the door you’ve been looking for

Katrina Mayer

This past weekend, I went with a family member on a home tour sponsored by a local elementary school to raise funds for playground equipment. All the homes which we toured through showcased fabulous pieces of artwork, furniture, books, bottles of wine, etc. The pursuit of creating perfectly curated homes was in evidence everywhere we went. The meaning attached to collecting these types of items has shifted drastically for me since I have retired from full time work.

I was struck by the irony that after many years of accumulating “things” many people often end up having to build additions on their homes or trade up for larger and larger living spaces. I found myself wondering what would become of all of these precious belongings in the future. Who would be tasked with the job of downsizing that would be inevitable? The energy and effort it would take to dispose of these possessions would be significant.

There seems to be a tug of war between the race to collect more and more things as evidenced by our tendency towards rampant consumerism and the minimalist movement which is focused on a need to reduce, recycle, and re-purpose. Reflecting on the reality that Marie Kondo has achieved both a cult and verb status, I am hyper aware that I have entered a life phase where my desire to downsize and possess “less” has never been stronger.

I do not seem to need a specialized strategy to act on this impulse. Moving into this next chapter seems to have created a natural evolution to let things go in order to free up more space in my life. The more I donate, recycle, sell or give things to others, the stronger the sense I have of creating room for new pursuits, interests, and passions. Who knew that embarking on a major decluttering project would open up so much emotional space for growth?

Cruella de Vil and the credit card charges

Late last week, I answered a very early morning call on my landline (I know they seem to be a relic from a not so distant past), and was somewhat startled by the long distance ring tone at that time of the day. When I answered, there was a long pause and then an automated recording began. The electronic voice immediately brought to mind the distinctive voice of the character, Cruella de Vil from the Disney movie 101 Dalmations. I recognized that I should simply hangup the phone but being captivated by the voice in the recording, I stayed on the line.

The recorded voice told me that I had an unauthorized credit card charge from eBay (which I have never actually used) of $300.00 and some cents. I continued to listen and was told that I had incurred an international charge over $1,000.00. The Cruella de Vil voice did not tell me at any time in the recording what type of credit card I had. Just another nonsense scam phone call albeit at a much earlier time in the day than is typical. At this point, I hung up the phone both annoyed and thinking about the frequency of fraudulent activities that try to permeate so many areas of our lives these days.

It seems that daily we are bombarded with newspaper and online reports of the latest phishing emails or text messages. The formulas for robocalling seem to defy logic and at first I thought the volume of these calls was due to having a landline telephone and now that I am retired, I am at home to answer them. When I was working, I did not experience these types of calls throughout the day so this is a relatively new experience. Certainly, there were weekly updates at work on the latest types of emails that you were to report and forward immediately to the IT department. We were frequently advised not to click on any links in suspicious emails, etc. but this all seemed somewhat innocuous to me at the time.

Now these calls come on any type of phone along with toxic text messages that now warrant routinely sending them to trash. If you travel, you have to protect your passport as well as credit cards with special covers that are lined with metal inside. This apparently is to fend off scanning devices which use the chips on those items to potentially pirate your identity and money. News reports tell us of business and government departments who have inadvertently released confidential employee information and warn us when finance departments have sent funds to phony new bank accounts. These are just the tip of the iceberg and the list of scams seems endless to me.

In addition, attending the latest anti-fraud protection seminar is important no matter who you are. Keeping up with all of the tricks used by scammers can be exhaustive as well as annoying. Explaining to elderly friends and family members about the complexity of scams as well as how commonplace they are, is an ongoing necessary task. At times, we like to believe that we would not fall victim to these scammers but really we are all equally vulnerable. I wonder what it will take to turn the tide and begin to trust the daily messages we receive.

The Tyranny of Transitions

There’s nothing harder in life than transitions. For most of us, being in-between is just plain uncomfortable

Sage Cohen

All major life changes have challenges for us. This past weekend, I was out walking and met a young man trying to coax a very tired and very old dog to keep moving. His dog was refusing to go any further so I stopped to talk with him. As we began chatting, I learned that this young man was experiencing what he called the tyranny of transition. He volunteered that he had just completed a university degree, his summer employment had ended, and that there were no immediate employment prospects on the horizon. He said that he now felt like he was adrift and we then shifted our conversation to talking about the emotional experience of life transitions.

One of the initial surprises I had in retirement was the sensation of being emotionally off balance. Although this is a typical response to many types of life change, it seemed particularly unsettling as it was unexpected and I thought I had done a sufficient amount of pre-planning prior to leaving full time work. By the time your career has reached a three decade milestone, you have achieved a degree of mastery over many tasks and skills so beginning anew in this next stage of life can create some cognitive dissonance.

To complicate matters, many people in your life may assume that this is a wonderful time for you so to express the emotional manifestation of loss and uncertainty seems somewhat taboo. After all, how do you share with someone who is taxed and stressed by the many demands of a full time work life, that you may be struggling as well. Needing to develop a sense of equilibrium along with the dawning recognition that you are starting all over again, can seem daunting.

Beginnings can be difficult in and of themselves, but there is also the emotional work of acknowledging the ending of this chapter in your life. Saying goodbye to wherever you retired from is not a one shot deal that culminates with a final celebration. There are a number of things that we must let go of which may include relationships with former colleagues; the identity and roles you may have held, and learning that the manner in which you may have viewed the world may shift. To move forward, there is a need to recognize and let go of what you are leaving behind.

Being able to acknowledge and have some type of plan for any transitional period can be helpful. I learned that creating a routine, structure for my days as well as writing about my experience was helpful to integrate this new and at times, unsettling way forward. Developing a network of supportive connections and learning as much as I could about the psychology of transitions became anchors that helped me feel grounded during this time. I am interested in learning what others have found helpful during any type of life change or transition. Please leave a comment below about what may have worked for you?

Time to turn the calendar…

“And all at once, summer collapsed into fall” – Oscar Wilde

The Labour Day weekend evokes a host of memories that always seem to surface in connection to the beginning of the school year. Long gone are the days of frenetic shopping for school supplies, the often unsuccessful search for everything on the list, and the anticipated reunion with friends to share highlights of summer vacation. The whirlwind flurry of moving everyone into a schedule that will sustain and support activities and commitments for the next ten months, thankfully, is also a distant memory.

A strong sense of personal renewal in the fall often occurs as the warm summer days persist but cool evenings and chilly nights emerge. Long to do lists that were once an ever present feature of those days continue somewhat in the form of sticky notes. These random sticky notes are peppered with ideas for building a schedule which will now focus on goals, passions to pursue, and possible learning opportunities. This year, this seasonal change has brought a renewed sense of optimistic energy that I haven’t experienced since I retired.

Excitement now replaces the old sensation which, at times, felt like a low level murmur of anxiety about completing all the to do obligations of this season. Now I fully realize that I am able to focus on tasks that will move me forward, closer to the goals that I would like to reach, and the life I am actively designing in this period of reinvention. Dropping what no longer fits in my life, creates a sense of feeling free and unencumbered.

It occurred to me today, that although I don’t have to pay attention to the changing of the seasons in the same manner I did when I worked full time, the energy of renewal that comes with the kids going back to school, is a perfect opportunity for reflection. Time to reflect if my goals are being met, need to be adjusted, or if it is time to move on to something else. Without all of the work world pressures, I can relish this time to figure out my priorities and to create a schedule filled with meaning and purpose. It is definitely time to turn the calendar!

Knowing when to call it quits!

Working towards the decision to leave your full time work life after 30 plus years can be a process fraught with emotional ups and downs. After becoming emotionally exhausted while considering all of the possibilities and pitfalls of this decision, consulting my family, and making multiple trips to my financial planner, I decided that leaving full time work sooner rather than later made more sense. Being indecisive about any decision let alone a major life change, can be draining and irritating to those who are closest to us.

So early in 2017, I provided several months notice to my employer and began the process of ensuring all loose ends that I could tie were tied and began the process of saying my goodbyes to colleagues. At this point in the journey, my future horizon seemed to be lined with possibility and excitement. Seeking some guidance about this transition meant that I discovered there was a dearth of resources for someone who is retiring, outside of financial advice and assistance. Even the process of how to access my pension where I worked wasn’t well understood as few people in the organization that I worked for had retired yet!

It is an interesting phenomena that this major life transition doesn’t have an attached and well established industry of retirement coaches, counsellors, and supportive transition networks. Before you actually make the decision to leave a workplace, there aren’t typically many options to help you explore and examine the non-financial aspects of this life change. There are also very few books and online resources, specifically, written about the emotional aspects during the transition to retirement. I found myself searching widely for anything that might serve as a guide.

The resources that I did manage to find, inspired hope and fueled my quest for reinvention in the next stage in my life. Five books that I found most helpful were:

1). How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free: Retirement wisdom that you won’t get through your financial advisor. Ernie J. Zelinski (2017).

2). Life Reimagined: The Science, Art, and Opportunity of Midlife. Barbara Bradley Hagerty. (2016).

3). Writing through Transitions: A guide for transforming life changes. Leia Francisco (2015)

4). Revitalizing Retirement: Reshaping your identity, relationships, and purpose. Nancy Schlossberg. (2009).

5). Transitions: Making sense of life’s changes. William Bridges. (1980).

Making any life altering decision is never an easy process and learning how to navigate the path to retirement has been a series of trial and errors. Creating connections post retirement has helped ease me into this amazing next chapter of life. I am continuing to seek out the experiences of others which provides new ideas, strategies, and further exploration in this journey. What types of supports and resources have you found most helpful in making any type of life change?