Tag: writing

Are you a Change Lover or a Change Loather?

We all have those fleeting thoughts of being in a new job, relationship, home, or country, etc. typically in response to life’s frustrations.  For most of us, those thoughts are really just dreams that don’t linger. Our frustrations get resolved and we carry on our lives fully able to weather these types of temporary aberrations.  

But what happens when those thoughts become more frequent, persistent, and occupy much of our day dreaming time.  When our fantasies become charged with what life could look like if only…. it is often an indication that something drastic may be needed or at the very least that we pay serious attention to why we are driven to dreaming about something new.

Exploring these types of thoughts when they become more then just an occasional burble and begin to roar is important.

This usually signals that we need to spend time in reflection about what we need to move on from or to what is calling us?  No one wants to be the person who only thinks about making a change and spends the latter part of our lives mired in regrets about those aspects of our lives we chose not to pursue.

However, resistance to change often begins to rear its head and if we don’t consciously and mindfully examine what we want and what we need, we may stay in a stuck position. Seeking answers through questions may prove helpful. Examples of places to start could be:

Reflect on a past positive change experience and ask yourself:

What was the best aspect of that life change event?

What types of supports did I seek out while making the change?

If you decided not to make a change or feel like you waited far too long to make one:

What was holding you back?

What types of statement were you making to yourself?

If you could have a complete redo and could go back and make the change happen, what steps would you take?

Recognizing that changes in our lives can be positive even when we don’t initiate them can help mitigate emotional upheaval when life changes seem overwhelming to us.  Reflecting on these types of questions may help us to understand and acknowledge whether or not we embrace life changes or fear them.  

What types of questions would help you understand if you are a change lover or a change loather?

When i grow up i want to become a “raging granny!”

Peaceful Protests. Pickets. Distributing pamphlets that tell the “truth”. In my community, one of the most fascinating observations I have made since I retired from full time work, has been the level of activism by our senior citizens. The world’s attention has been focused on youth who seem inspired by Greta Thunberg and who are demanding we immediately address climate change.

But once you pay close attention to various protests that are becoming increasingly more frequent in the community, you will see that youth are not the only dominant age demographic. Seniors who are concerned about numerous challenges and egregious decisions that get made by our politicians, seem to be our community leaders for many of these activities.

Often times these highly educated, deeply concerned, and motivated community members are referred to as “raging grannies” by our local media. This term is used even though protest and activist moments held in the public realm are comprised of both men and women.

The first time I ever heard that term, it sounded as if it was made tongue in cheek. Poking fun at a small group of women who were protesting outside of city hall. Just recently, I listened to a respected journalist who described the “raging grannies” as a coherent, organized group who demand to be listened to and should be.

The national and international media pays attention to efforts made by senior celebrities like Jane Fonda, David Suzuki, Nancy Pelosi, among many others but what about right in your own back yard. Who are the people right in our own communities that we should be paying more attention to?

I have an active and engaged mother who recently made a presentation to elected city officials about concerns with our transit system. She created and delivered an articulate and impassioned plea for city leaders to at least try to ride the bus through our city so they could learn about the gaps in service and unsafe practices first hand. Rather than simply complain about her concerns, she took action and contributed to the process of positive change.

The more I pay attention to the activism of our community based “raging grannies”, the more I see. There are so many issues of grave concern in front of each and every one of us. It seems paramount to listen to our elders and do our best to engage in what we are passionate about and become more involved. I think that it is time for all of us to lend our voices in some meaningful way to making better choices for our future.

Can Accountability help us avoid Writer’s Block?

One of the challenges that I have found while developing a writing practice is becoming accountable for it. No one forces us to create in whatever form of expression we use. And as I am becoming more comfortable with the craft of writing, and am learning more skills, it seems that the potential for becoming blocked increases.

That is concerning.

I have been reading a wide variety of books on the art and craft of writing and am becoming ever curious about the concept of writer’s block. Many writers develop rituals that must be followed before the words will flow. Others seem to have developed unique and individual work arounds to avoid writer’s block. Some don’t even believe that it exists. There seem to be a myriad of opinions about the concept of writer’s block.

It seems that choosing a path of accountability would serve to help us forgo periods of writer’s block.

Being accountable is simply being responsible for your work. Imagine a doctor telling you that they are unable to see you because they are currently “blocked”. What would happen to anyone of us if we simply did not show up for work. Or if we decided that it was mission critical to walk the dog first, make sure the laundry was done, and spent hours “researching” information via the internet to inform or inspire our writing. If we chose to do that in the work world, the consequences of those types of choices are obvious.

Blogging has become one of my anchors to accountability for my writing practice. Having committed to writing and publishing one post each week has actually increased my word count in other projects that I am working on. It is important to me to hold myself accountable in some way as I am learning to become a writer and this has turned into a strategy that also helps me maintain my focus.

The act of writing is not about being published, or having others scrutinize your work. By simply becoming committed to the act itself without all of the what if’s, it is much easier to sit and begin every day. The pact we make about our creative practices should first be with ourselves. Being accountable is also about honouring ourselves, our creativity, and the expressions of that, that bring us passion and purpose.

What do you do to hold yourself accountable to creative practice, whether it be expressing yourself through writing, photography, painting, or other art forms?

Let’s Talk about…

One of the things that I never included on my “to do” list when I was getting ready for early retirement were strategies to manage my “mental health”. I had a long list for all of the ways that I was going to improve my physical health once I had all of the time I envisioned that I would have once I left the full time work world.

Recently, I reviewed that “to do” list, which essentially was a wish list, and realized that I had somehow inadvertently believed that once I left full time work, my life would instantly improve. On an emotional level that is. And of course, whenever we engage in magical thinking, we are avoiding the hard work that is required to make a life change of any sort.

Transitions, really any life changing experience, will tax the best tools that we may have in our resilience tool kits. And resilience is about having positive mental health. I am now realizing how critical it is to think about all parts of being healthy from a holistic perspective.

And to talk about all of the many ways we are experiencing the ups and the downs in our lives. Or to write about them. The stigma that surrounds mental health may prevent us from reaching out to connect with others, or to seek out needed supports. It seems fitting to reflect on our mental health today.

January 29th has become an annual date for Canadians to engage in dialogue and conversation about mental health. Bell Canada, along with numerous national partners, has created a social media phenomenon to help reduce stigma about mental health. And to provide resources and funding for community based programs across Canada to enhance our mental health. Check it out at https://letstalk.bell.ca/en/

Take care of all aspects of yourself. And talk, think, read about mental health. Work to reduce stigma about mental health. Really, it is such an important and kind thing to do for ourselves and others. We have the ability to cultivate happiness in our lives and to create more opportunities for the aspects of our lives that help us thrive and reach whatever goals we aspire to. Happy Wednesday!

Flipping Fears

For the past two days, I have been wrestling with a number of seemingly random negative and fear inducing thoughts. One of my goals for this year has been to submit short pieces of my writing to various publications. My strategy was to create a spreadsheet to document all of the submissions and the subsequent rejections that I anticipate I will receive. My goal was to strive for as many rejections as possible.

Sounds a bit strange, doesn’t it?

But, it would mean that I am writing, and even more importantly, I am putting aside all of the fear that seems to co-exist with this vocational pursuit. At the time I created this goal and decided that I was going to send these pieces of creative work out into the world, it seemed innocuous. Really what is the big deal? All writers are subject to rejection, criticism, dismissive editors, and long waits before one may hear anything back from the publication they submitted their work to. Right?

Most writers know that this process is about moving forward, learning the craft, recognizing that the work may not be a good fit for a publication at that particular time but may in fact, fit somewhere else. And truthfully, how would anyone aside from you ever know whether or not you submitted something.

So with all of this knowledge firmly ensconced in my mind, as I began preparing to send something out for the very first time, I found myself in a strange twilight zone filled with fear. It was like an out of control hamster on a wheel was flinging chaotic thoughts around my head. I must have talked myself out of this submission process a hundred times.

Enough. I have taught others how to build resilience skills so why couldn’t I do the same for myself? I started by writing out some of the thoughts that had taking up a lot of real estate in my mind. They ranged from self-criticism to self-disgust to self-shaming and looked a bit like this:

Why even bother – this is an exercise in futility – there is no way I am as competent as other writers? I can’t even format these documents properly so why would an editor even bother to look at what I have written? How can you write a bio if you have never published anything? And really who sets a goal to to count all of the rejections they receive as a writer?

And so on…these horrible thoughts continually popped across my thought screen, and even occurred while I was sleeping, so yesterday I decided that was enough.

Time to flip these fears and really look at what the downside to not submitting my writing might be. At the end of this exercise, I realized that I would be left with paralyzing regret if I didn’t start somewhere. I would be missing out on all of the learning moments from the process and if I keep at this, eventually I may end up with a notation other than a rejection to enter into my spreadsheet.

So I flipped my fear around, and have just sent my first piece of work out. Regardless of what happens with this, I am in the process of reinventing my life and recognize that small steps will move me closer to where I want to go. And if I want to pursue writing as a craft, I will need to challenge those negative thoughts and keep moving forward.

What about you? How do you flip your fears and move forward in spite of all of the thoughts that may fill your mind with negativity and prevent you from doing what you really wish to do?

What if everything that could go wrong does…?

Have you ever had a day that seems to be precisely what Murphy’s Law was all about? Where all of your plans and goals for the day no longer make any sense. And you end up moving from problem to problem before you can even consider solutions. Today seems to be that type of day.

More construction on our street has led to major disruption and has lasted for more than one day. We are unable to park close to our own home and now we have wickedly cold weather, high winds, and blowing snow. Who knows if the car will even start and certainly will require some shovelling out.

The noise of the heavy duty machinery being used is off the charts. Aside from rendering concentration to write virtually impossible, my terrified cat is desperately trying to find the ultimate spot to hide from all of this. However, everywhere she goes, the noise does not subside so she is constantly seeking me out and I have tripped over her many times.

No bruises yet for either myself or the cat!

Vibrations from the trench being dug across from our home seemed to have caused little screws in my office bookcase to work their way loose. Amid the cacophony of construction from outside, we heard a tremendous crash that came from inside of the house. Bounding up the stairs to see what happened, I was dismayed to find books cascading all across the floor. The book case had fallen apart and didn’t appear salvageable.

Apparently the fix will require a special type of screw so with books now stacked all over the floor of my office, I am trying to pretend this atmosphere is serene enough to write in. Once I finally achieve a sense of calm, it is quickly interrupted and followed by loud noise from the earth diggers outside. This is accompanied by an eerie shaking throughout our older house that worries me. Dust I didn’t know was even here has been loosened and lightly covers floors and furnishings.

Now there is a water problem. I am sure we could have predicted that one. It is unclear how many more days of this we have to get through but after trying to find escape by watching television, it seems that all of our problems are minuscule compared to what is happening in so many parts of our world.

A good reminder about the importance of putting life’s challenges in perspective. Happy Wednesday!

Pathways to Possibilities

“To dream anything that you want to dream. That’s the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do. That is the strength of the human spirit.”

Bernard Edmonds

As we celebrate this January 1st, of 2020, we have the opportunity in front of us to explore the promise and possibilities in our lives. The path to reinvention begins with a blank canvas and allows all of us a chance to create our own next steps.

Just think. It will be another ten years before we have a new day, of a new year in a new decade. As I consider this, the following questions are bubbling to the surface as I explore the pathways and possibilities of what I want my future life to look like.

What shape and form will your life take over the next decade?

What changes in your life are calling you?

Do you focus attention on thoughts and ideas that you may have placed on a shelf?

Perhaps this is the year to bring them to fruition.

Is this the decade where you make conscious choices rather than allowing life to carry you along?

Are you willing and able to turn off that critical voice in your head that challenges your growth?

By becoming committed to our ideas, hopes, and dreams, the path forward seems bright and exciting. What questions and thoughts are you considering on this first day of the new year in this 2020 decade?

Happy new year!

A challenging search for the spirit of this festive season…

This Christmas Eve…began with a series of unexpected events that threatened my vision and hopes for a calm, peaceful day with family that I hoped would be touched by joyful spirits, some quiet reflection, and opportunity for fellowship.

Deep in sleep early this morning, I vaguely heard pounding on our front door. Did you hear that, I said to my husband…receiving no answer from him. Then the pounding was even louder and I could hear my cat begin to growl. Grabbing my robe, looking out the window to discover flashing yellow lights, I raced down the stairs and opened the door only to discover no one there.

But…there was a blue sign hanging from our mailbox – one which I have seen far too many times this year.

Water works – Repair service – the dreaded blue information pamphlet dropped off to let you know that your water would be shut off for the day while the city repaired another water main break.

I run back up the stairs to wake my husband and get him to help me fill containers, when the pounding on the front door began again. Rushing back down the stairs to open the door, I came face to face with a city employee who told me that the water main would be repaired today and there would be no water service for the day starting in about 30 minutes. Oh and could you please move our vehicle off the street.

Oh and by the way, have a Merry Christmas!

More rushing around to have an incredibly quick shower, fill containers with water, move the vehicle off the street, and avoid stepping on the cat who by this point was very hungry and wanted someone to pay attention to that. Now.

So with shower finished, containers filled, cat fed, vehicle moved to another street we thought we were done. I turned on a tap just to check but our water was still on? Large trucks hauling what was needed to dig up the street and the other trucks with equipment began leaving our street. The barricade to close the street had been removed. What was going on?

Frustrated with the frantic rushing and preparations for a day without water, we decided to leave and go out to have breakfast. Breakfast complete, starting to feel more relaxed, we stopped at our bank. Parked and then watched in amazement as a parking ticket person was walking along the street ticketing cars. Seemed a bit spiteful on this particular day.

Finished our tasks at the bank, and headed off to a big box store to clarify delivery of an item that was not to be shipped to our home until after the new year but we had just been notified it was on it’s way. After standing in line for customer service and then being treated in a spectacularly rude and dismissive fashion with the issue still unresolved, we decided to head for home. Enough.

I decided that a walk in our neighbourhood park was in order, and set out along the path close to our home. Along the way, I tried to push aside the strong feelings of frustration that had emerged unexpectedly from the events of the morning. About half way along, I thought I should pick up the pace and see if that might help to dissipate what was becoming a negative mood.

After walking at a much faster pace, I came upon the small valley that our community uses for tobogganing. I could hear children laughing, screaming with glee as they flew down the small hills. Parents were chatting, enjoying the mild December morning, and the mood here was definitely upbeat and positive. Certainly more so than the one in my head. I decided to stand off to the side of the hills and watch the fun for awhile.

After a short period of time, a small child, dressed in purple snow pants, a parka with splashy colourful flowers on it, and a bright purple tongue walked right up and stood beside me. This tiny child, a girl, looking up at me, smiled, the kind of smile that made her eyes sparkle, and simply said, Merry Christmas. And walked away to join her family.

I realized in that moment that I had finally found the spirit of this festive season that had been out of my reach for most of this day. In a much better frame of mind, I finished my walk and returned home.

I hope that the spirit of this season touches you and those you care about.

Merry Christmas!

The Magic of the Mundane

“mundane, adj. – 1. ordinary, everyday, humdrum 2. of this world, not of heaven.”

Canadian Collins Gage Dictionary

During this festive season we may find ourselves frantically searching for the perfect gift or attending yet another social event. We may be anxiously planning and preparing for our family and friends to sit down and celebrate by having a spectacular holiday meal. It can be a welcome relief to step back out of the fray.

Driven by the forces of crass consumerism, managing our expectations for this festive season becomes truly challenging. Finding parking spots and braving crowds of Christmas shoppers, can induce panic and overwhelm. Being able to remember what you learned in a mindfulness course and actually apply those skills can be beyond our capabilities in the moment.

Taking the time to appreciate what we already do have and the routines that we engage in on a daily basis can be like applying a healing salve to our souls. True reflection on what we often miss by being too busy, too overwhelmed, or too anxious, can take a back seat to what happens in our daily lives.

Take a moment to reflect on the last 24 hours, what did you see, what did you hear, what did you feel, and what were you able to connect with?

Did you notice the rich aroma when your coffee was brewing? Savour and enjoy that first delicious sip?

Catch a glimpse of purple and pink streaks lining the sky at sunrise through frost covered glass?

Hear the neighbourhood children playfully teasing each other while walking to catch the school bus?

Watching the dish soap bubbles pop and move while doing the dishes?

Being amazed by your cat’s ability to contort into yoga poses while preparing to settle into an easy chair and go to sleep?

Finding a new wrinkle on your loved one’s face, reminding you of how long and deep your love for them truly is?

All of these things which may happen in our moment to moment lives, are easily taken for granted. They are just the ordinary aspects of life, the background noise, what always happens, and we often consider them to be just mundane. With the pressure and emphasis to create and manage many expectations during this festive season, we might just miss the magic of the mundane which fills our daily lives.

Let’s take the time in our busy lives to step back and appreciate the magic of the mundane.

Best wishes for a Happy Holiday season!!

Writing exercise for reinvention

As I end this year, I continue my reflection on my progress along this reinvention journey that I have been travelling on. My writing practice, which I typically find energizes both mind and spirit, has slowed and deepened. I find that I have been generating lists. Reflecting on them. Writing more lists. Lists and more lists.

Lists of things I tried and did not work out.

Lists of things I tried and did work out.

Lists of things I tried and did work out and now I no longer want to do.

Lists of things that I haven’t tried but want to.

Lists of things I haven’t tried but am afraid to.

Lists of things I don’t know how to even get started at.

So…I listened to a podcast featuring a woman named Meryl Cook who is a journal writer, artist, and creativity consultant. She described an ongoing exercise she does as part of her reinvention process that she called writing your What If’s. The exercise is to dream wildly and write What If you actually did that thing you have been thinking and dreaming of. What If you had the money, the time, the freedom to actually do that thing?

Use a What If exercise if you need to reframe things that are not going well in your life. What If you could actually do what you need skills and knowledge for but don’t yet have? What If you could actually do what you really want to but fear or busyness or something else gets in the way.

What If by writing down these wild dreams my reinvention journey is strengthened? What if some of the dreams I write down actually come true? My list writing to evaluate how my year has gone has now been replaced by What If exercises. What If the What If writing for reinvention exercise is actually helpful? I look forward to the upcoming year and using this What If writing exercise.